Poetry Corner

[Two Acres]

Come look at the size of my horn

beamed Stumpy, no longer forlorn

Those tablets I got

have right hit the spot

I can finally dispense with the porn

 

:lol:

 

horn beamed, I see what you did there, very clever VI

[the village idiot]

Here's one what I writ a while ago

 

 

The birds are sweet, I love their song

But their tree cannot stay for long

The tree is not in the right place

It just has got too little space

Forgive me when its gone, oh please

Don’t get me wrong – I love trees

 

Each day my car I have to clean

The birds they aim, they are so mean

Such effort oh it really grieves

In winter as I scoop up leaves

Forgive me when its gone, oh please

Don’t get me wrong – I love trees

 

And that one there, if I can

Remove it and park my caravan

And that one there makes my house dark

My second car right there could park

Forgive me when its gone, oh please

Don’t get me wrong – I love trees

 

It’s near my roof, yes that one there

Just take it down, we need fresh air

The guy next door, he’s such a swine

Lets all his branches grow over mine

Forgive me when its gone, oh please

Don’t get me wrong – I love trees

 

The drive’s too narrow, getting out is hell

Lets have that one out as well

The last tree really makes me worry

It waves around in windy flurry

Forgive me when its gone, oh please

Don’t get me wrong – I love trees

 

Don’t quote too much, Im not too wealthy

And all this worry made me unhealthy

They have to go and most sincere

I’ve done my bit for the atmosphere

Forgive me when its gone, oh please

Don’t get me wrong – I love trees

 

 

That's fantastic Shane:thumbup:

Have you written any more?

[Shane]

Not for years now.

Most of the poems I know are Spike Milligan, a few from ancient times and some which would get me banned from this forum... e.g. with missing words

 

A filthy young wench from Rhodesia (yes, it's that old)

Said if my ---- doesn't please ya

If you like you can ----

Up my big ----- ---

But be careful the tapeworm don't seize ya

[the village idiot]

Not for years now.

Most of the poems I know are Spike Milligan, a few from ancient times and some which would get me banned from this forum... e.g. with missing words

 

A filthy young wench from Rhodesia (yes, it's that old)

Said if my ---- doesn't please ya

If you like you can ----

Up my big ----- ---

But be careful the tapeworm don't seize ya

 

[sloth]

Pass

 

I'll give it a go then...

 

"Your kaleidoscope smells a funny colour", an odd thought for an odd situation.

As he hung from rope alone in the cellar - auto erotic asphyxiation...

[the village idiot]

I'll give it a go then...

 

"Your kaleidoscope smells a funny colour", an odd thought for an odd situation.

As he hung from rope alone in the cellar - auto erotic asphyxiation...

 

Good work that man! And what an active imagination!

[Stubby]

Come look at the size of my horn

beamed Stubby, no longer forlorn

Those tablets I got

have right hit the spot

I can finally dispense with the porn

 

[sandspider]

There once was a man named McGruder,

Who canoed with a girl in Bermuda.

But the girl thought it crude,

To be wooed in the nude,

So McGru took an oar and subduder.

 

Or:

There once was a woman named Jill

Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill

They found her vagina in North Carolina

And bits of her tits in Brazil!

[sandspider]

Or there's plenty about the man from Nantucket!

[se7enthdevil]

these are all great guys, keep them coming.

 

here's one i managed to memorise from a book i have on limericks.

 

 

 

One fine October morning, in September last July,

the moon lay thick upon the ground, the snow shone in the sky,

The flowers were singing gaily and the birds were in full bloom,

so i went down to the cellar to sweep the up-stair room...