me dealing with depression

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

This post is really poignant to me. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar Disorder three years ago. I am now taking mood stabilising medication (valproic acid) and an anti psychotic (Olanzapene, topically, not at work but at tea time when I get in as it is too sedative for the daytime) everyday and this will continue for the rest of my life. I have never had a problem telling people about this but that's me, I wear my heart on my sleeve. The one thing I will say is that in the past when the manic episodes of my past have subsided and the depression sets in it is a horrible, dark, empty, hopeless experience and the worst part is that you do not have a clue about how to deal with it. Everything seems futile and you despise yourself, want to lock out the world and hide away. I have not moved out of bed for 8 days straight without sleeping, eating or washing before. Butterflies in your stomach, heart racing at the slightest sound, phone switched off, not at work and just gone off radar not able to even phone in and explain. It's a horrible, horrible experience that attacks you in such a debilitating way and incapacitates you with an all consuming mindset of hopelessness and impending doom.My Bi-Polar dissorder mixed with a bad break up caused me to jump in the river ouse at night in York whilst it was in full flood last year, the story is still pinned on the York evening press website now, that's how ridiculous depression can make the mindset. Your whole psyche is completely messed up. I won't go into detail or talk about the aftermath of what I did because it is a painful thing to recall and I'm very embarrased. I was lucky. I maybe shouldnt talk so openly about this stuff but hey, if it helps someone to speak up n confide in someone so they have a clue or helps someone to understand a bit more then it's worth feeling a bit uncomfortable I think. It is so, so important for people to be aware of the signs and the symptoms and to simply be aware that depression is a potential killer! You can help just by knowing the signs and being there for your friend! I applaud this post, it was the last thing I expected to see discussed on our forum but I'm glad has been. Robin Williams was a genius, childhood hero: Mork n Mindy (Nanoo lol), Mrs Doubtfire, Jumanji....the list is massive....RIP Robin. Speak soon friends n colleagues.

 

 

Much better to talk about it rather than lock it away in my opinion.

 

I once had it explained that it's like just keep pushing another box / bag of stuff into that cupboard under the stairs so that you don't have to deal with it today.

 

It's all still there, it's not been sorted, but the pile just keeps getting bigger until one day the cupboard is full and it all comes tumbling out. Then you're faced with a bigger pile of stuff to sort out.

 

Keep talking!!

[Stereo]

I always thought this was something that happened to other people until we lost our first baby. I went somewhere very dark and very.....I don't know what. But I felt like I was behind a screen watching life go on. I was so sad all the time. Life was muffled. I got a job delivering flowers for min wage and would have to pull over if a sad story came on the radio as I would be in floods. I got past it but it stays with me and I'm never far off tears where kids are concerned. So I have some inkling what real sufferers are going through. As said, keep talking.

[predator]

sorry i not been on much my depression/anxiety has been giving me a bad time last few months not been through the door much even shopping washing etc has gone through the window" but have a cousin who has been helping out shopping visiting etc it can be a very lonely dark place to be and would'nt wish it on anyone even been thinking not sure why too put a chain round my neck tied to a tree and drive away fast i just keep re living the thought and keep breaking down most days for no reason

[Ian C]

sorry i not been on much my depression/anxiety has been giving me a bad time last few months not been through the door much even shopping washing etc has gone through the window" but have a cousin who has been helping out shopping visiting etc it can be a very lonely dark place to be and would'nt wish it on anyone even been thinking not sure why too put a chain round my neck tied to a tree and drive away fast i just keep re living the thought and keep breaking down most days for no reason

 

You need professional medical help,go get it and start living.

[Paul Cleaver]

I always thought this was something that happened to other people until we lost our first baby. I went somewhere very dark and very.....I don't know what. But I felt like I was behind a screen watching life go on. I was so sad all the time. Life was muffled. I got a job delivering flowers for min wage and would have to pull over if a sad story came on the radio as I would be in floods. I got past it but it stays with me and I'm never far off tears where kids are concerned. So I have some inkling what real sufferers are going through. As said, keep talking.

 

you sound like you are a real sufferer to me - have you got other children? as said get some professional help, it will surely help.

take care

 

reg Paul

[hamdogg]

Medication nowadays works wonders!!

[Ckj tree services]

I've suffered with depression on and off for years but having my kids and partner around me and family helps out a lot

[predator]

yes i have children/adults now but put a brave face on when my youngest daughter visits she's 22 y/o others have moved away now all grown up etc and wont bog them down with my demons etc >>> there is only yourselves i've told some my deepest thoughts not all because it brings too much pain back to the surface i feel like a weak person telling you all this stuff

[StirlingArb]

For me it started in June this year, at the time I was in the police enjoying my career, but then my parents went through a rough stage and were about to file a divorce, the thought of losing the house, family breaking apart, it was tough on me being the youngest and most connected as I was still living at home.

 

Me, my brother an his friend took a trip to wales to go on a walk and try to clear our minds, have a day away from it all, but things didnt go to plan we ended up walking to a quarry, my brothers friend was renown for always getting into trouble, he ended up playing with a excavator we saw, I should have been the better person to tell him not to but my mind just wasnt switched on, he lost control of the excavator and it went down a cliff, when we got home we were eventually arrested, I chose to take the blame for it all, knowing that he had 2 children he had just been given custody of. 63K worth of damage was caused and now I'm being charged with it and waiting to receive my sentence.

 

It has been hard on me, losing a career, the sleepless nights, eating apatite has gone, most days I cant go without crying when I get in from work, I sit staring at my police graduation certificate knowing what I have lost, thoughts of ending it, I find that I must keep myself busy to stop depression kicking in, but sometimes doing things brings it on more, Its hard knowing that now after making the effort to get a new job, getting my licences, all the equipment and trying to start fresh into a job that is more getting paid to do my favourite hobby, could soon all be lost, thats when it hits me worse, thats when the bad thoughts kick in.

 

- Jay

[Ty Korrigan]

Recently, despite the birth of my daughter and all the hope and joy she has brought into my life, I still feel the cold chill of melancholy's hand on my shoulder from time to time.

Buying a faulty Carlton stump grinder with my remaining house deposit has brought me very low recently.

I felt I have badly let down my family by compromising their future on a business gamble that did not pay off.

I felt I had let down my clients as well as my business partner with my poor business decision to go with this supplier.

Short term pain, I hope will become long term gain once the fault is fixed at MY expense...

 

Ty

 

I shall never share stuff like this ever again on a forum after some of the **** I have recieved about it from other members this last year.

Ty