Request TPO in neighbours garden

[Doug Tait]

That reminds me of a question I had to answer to be an arbtalk member or something. What fuel goes in a chainsaw?

Took me a few attempts, got it in the end though!

[Mark Bolam]

I bet you said Aspen you Yuppie scum.

You’re lucky you got in tbh.

[Doug Tait]

7 minutes ago, Mark Bolam said:

I bet you said Aspen you Yuppie scum.

You’re lucky you got in tbh.

 

I swear Alex has hacked your computer to send that!

[Bolt]

It’s all chatbots and AI these days….. Apparently AI will kill us all with Machiavellian intent, but in reality I reckon it will destroy us all with its utter crapness.

 

That being said, my local GP now has an AI option where you can literally walk in to the surgery without an appointment and get a diagnosis. I wasn’t too sure about it, but just before Christmas, having hurt my arm, the Mrs persuaded me to give it a go.

 

I went in, and the receptionist said to just supply a sample of my urine and put it in the machine

 

I honestly thought this could never work for an arm injury, so to prove its fallibility I did a sample and put it in the machine.

 

A minute later a message appears. 'You have a small fracture in your right ulna. Place your arm in the machine and it will be provided with a cast. Take the medication provided and come back in two weeks to provide a urine sample.  Be more careful in future'

 

To say I was shocked was an understatement! Gotta say though, that the bots ‘bedside manner’ was a bit lacking.

 

Two weeks later I provided another urine sample. 'Your arm is healing, but you have missed two medications. Please comply to stop wasting valuable medical resources. Come back in two weeks and provide a urine sample.'

 

I was a bit indignant at being lectured by a machine so two weeks later, I got my wife to provide a urine sample. Then I jacked off into it for good measure.

 

Following processing the sample, the message read. Your wife is pregnant. The father is your friend Rick. And stop masturbating or that arm will never get better.

[Dan Maynard]

12 hours ago, Mark Bolam said:

A simple matrix of 16 Landrover Defenders with ‘how many of these vehicles have an oil leak’ or something.

.. or which of these transit vans is actually overloaded?

 

[Mark Bolam]

Trick question - it’s ALL of them!

 

Take that, bot!

[scbk]

13 hours ago, Doug Tait said:

That reminds me of a question I had to answer to be an arbtalk member or something. What fuel goes in a chainsaw?

Chain oil? Then wonder why the saw won't start?

Or refuel the saw, forget to put the cap back on, and get petrol down your leg?

[manco]

On 07/02/2025 at 22:12, Mark Bolam said:

Twats like this OP need shooting.

 

Steve you need to put a bot detector in for first time posters.

 

A simple matrix of 16 Landrover Defenders with ‘how many of these vehicles have an oil leak’ or something.

17

[GarethM]

1 minute ago, manco said:

17

I've always wondered how they keep the dealership so clean, maybe the pre delivery inspection is actually filling it full of it's first of many refills?.

[Bolt]

A penguin notices his Land Rover  is leaking fluid, and being new to motoring, takes it to the closest garage. The mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Mr Whippy van, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. 

Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. 

When he gets back to check on his truck, the mechanic looks up, laughs, and says, "Forget the Land Rover, now it looks like it’s you that’s blown a seal."

 "Not this time” The penguin replies, “it's just ice cream."