Jokes???

[Bearded Munch]

After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself naked in a mirror...remembering her time with Bill 'Slick Willie' Clinton.

Her frustration over her inability to lose weight was depressing her.

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help. She prayed, "God, if you take away my 'love handles,' I'll devote my life to You," she prayed.

 

And just like that, her ears fell off and hit the floor!

[MATTMOSS]

Police are on the look out for two pedophiles who have been hanging around schools pretending to be clearing snow from the paths.

 

The police said the two suspects are known as Jimmy Shovel and Gary Gritter.

[woody paul]

Paddy buys himself a County tractor with roof mounted crane finds it very handy untill it has a engine problem and he calls Murphy to have a look no good he say the engine has got to come out. Paddy says no problem we can lift it out the crane swings right round over the engine and pick that out.

[doobin]

Paddy buys himself a County tractor with roof mounted crane finds it very handy untill it has a engine problem and he calls Murphy to have a look no good he say the engine has got to come out. Paddy says no problem we can lift it out the crane swings right round over the engine and pick that out.

 

Good idea, says Murphy. I'll bring my little hydraulic power pack along, we can plumb it in to that!

[hazzygawa]

Put your GPS on full volume for your daily drive if you want to know what marriage is like.

[hazzygawa]

Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.

A fake name and a fake number.

[Mycoman]

Just announced in Leicester - the winner of the 1485 hide-and-seek competition....

[SKStrees]

Supermans flying over a city and spots wonder woman sunbathing naked on a rooftop, he thinks to himself your superman you could fly down **** her senseless and fly away before she even knows what's hit her. So down he flies "bang bang bang" and away he goes without her even seeing him! "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT SHE SAYS SITTING UP!" ---- "dunno says the invisible man but my ass is sore!"*

[PeteB]

Valentine's Day - I booked a table for me and the misses tonight, I hope she likes snooker!

[PeteB]

A mate went to the tattoo shop to get an Indian put across his back, "I want him to have a big tomahawk in his hand" he said. "In a bit," said the tattooist, "I'm still doing his turban."