Jokes???

[WirralBoy]

[Bolt]

A Spanish magician says he will disappear on the count of 3.

 

He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres.

[Kimosabi]

Fight fire with fire my grandad always used to say........which is probably why he lost his job with the fire service 

[Logdaft]

[Logdaft]

[Bolt]

What religion do they practice in Hell?

 

Crispianity.

[Bolt]

As a butcher is shooing away a Terrier from his shop, he sees a £10 note and a scrap of paper in it’s mouth, reading: “8 pork chops, please.”

 

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of pork chops in the dog’s mouth, and watches as the dog carefully accepts them and trots from the shop.

 

Such was his surprise that the mutt hadn’t just eaten them on the spot, he leaves the shop in the care of his assistant, and follows the dog who is now waiting for a lights at the crossing.  Having looked both ways, the terrier crosses the road to a bus stop. 

 

The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench, waiting for the bus to rock up, 

and on the bus’s arrival, he walks around to the front, checks the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. 

 

The bus with dog and butcher travels out into suburbia , the dog taking in the scenery as they go. After a while the terrier stands on the back of his seat then launches himself up to push the “stop” bell.  The butcher follows him the dog off the bus.

 

The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -WHAM!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around to the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. 

 

A big bloke in a string vest opens the door and in furious mood starts cursing, shouting and gesticulating at the dog.

 

The butcher runs up and reprimands the house owner 

  “What in hell are you doing?” He shouts “This dog’s a genius! What the hell is wrong with you? 

 

  “Genius, my arse”, the owner responds, “It’s the second time this week he’s forgotten his keys.

 

 

Edited November 14, 2022 by Bolt

[Logdaft]

[Logdaft]

[Logdaft]