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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'

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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing

home, having a drink and a smoke, when it

starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts

off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and

continues smoking.


Arlene: What in the hell is that?


Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette

doesn't get wet.


Arlene: Where did you get it?


Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.


The next day, Arlene hobbles herself

into the local drugstore and announces

to the pharmacist that she wants a box of



The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed,

looks at her kind of strangely (she is after

all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately

asks what brand of condom she prefers.


'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a



The pharmacist fainted.

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man goes to the doctor complaining that he has five dicks

"how do your trousers fir?" asks the doc

"like a glove....?"



A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm, and says "this is the pig i have to f@%k every night you're not up for it"


Wife says " i think you'll find thats a sheep"


Man replies "i think you'll find i was talking to the sheep...!

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  • 2 weeks later...

A couple were cuddling up in bed on their wedding night; 'Darling' the bride said. 'I have a confession.......I used to be a hooker'.


Taken aback the groom thought for a while and then replied: 'actually that's quite erotic....tell me about it'.


'Well' she replied. 'My name was Nigel and I played for Wigan'.

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