Jokes???

[felixthelogchopper]

[Mesterh]

23 hours ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

And portion control! They feckers eat WAY too much! 

 

I can fair tuck it away, but last trip to NYC saw me & the Mrs sharing a starter as a main course - it’s quite obscene how much those Yankees eat!

He he.

Ive been to the US a few times and its quite breathtaking on what they can tuck away, Man V Food (TV program)is a prime example

 

 

 

 

[Mesterh]

A man goes to the circus. It's his first time, and he's pretty nervous about it. During an intermission, one of the clowns approaches the microphone and says "We are giving a special prize to the person sitting in section A, Row 12, seat D."

It's the man! He stands up, very nervous, and the clown says "You're a big stupid BOZO! This is a circus! No one wins prizes at the circus!"

The man doesn't know what to do, what to say. He's so flustered his face turns beet red and the audience starts laughing and laughing, and it's all he can do just to run out of the big top, ashamed that he fell for it, and that he couldn't think of anything clever to say in retort.

That's when he gets the idea to study exactly that. He signs up for a public communications class at the community college. He takes debate, extemporaneous speech, everything on public speaking and wit he can find.

The need compels him to study more and more and eventually the man gets a degree in communications, completes a PhD in quick-witted retorts. He starts speaking publicly, becoming a much-sought-after lecturer. Years pass, and his fame grows.

Finally, he's ready for his revenge. The man studies the circus. Sure enough, they're still doing that gag. And it's always the rube in the same seat who gets the grilling. He buys a ticket for that seat, and waits.

The moment comes. The clown approaches the microphone and says "We are giving a special prize to the person sitting in section A, Row 12, seat D." The man stands up, ready.

The clown insults him, the man stands up and says, 

"FUCK YOU, YOU RED NOSED CUNT!"

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

3 minutes ago, Mesterh said:

Man V Food (TV program)is a prime example 

Guilty pleasure watching it occasionally! The food is amazing - the scale obscene!!

[Ratman]

[eggsarascal]

My ex Misses was arrested for shoplifting in a supermarket. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"

She replied, "A can of peaches."

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches, and she replied that she was hungry. The judge asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied that there were six. The judge said, "Then I will give you six days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, I stood up, and asked the judge if I could say something. The judge said, "What is it?"

I said, "She also stole a can of peas."

[devon TWiG]

 

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

[john meehan]

Similar to Mike Hunt .

I used to work with a guy called mike hunt on the railway.

[Yournamehere]

I still remember that first proper party I went to.Got off with one of the girls; I was kissing Jenny Taylor all night long.