Jokes???

[woody paul]

Old boy sitting on a bench in village watch traffic go by, when a man on a bike pulls up and says I've lost my bearing slightly, old boy says I'm up for mending the odd puncher but bearing you must be joking. 

[Ratman]

http://seoi.net/penint/

Draw anything you want then shake the phone

 

Click the link above guys [emoji106]

[timbernut]

http://seoi.net/penint/
Draw anything you want then shake the phone
 
Click the link above guys [emoji106]

I have tried this on all my family and they all drew the same thing [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

[eggsarascal]

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" 

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "President Trump” his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Trump spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the feck is that on the balcony with Dave?'"

[KennethStunna]

My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex..

 

My wife insists that it says 'dyslexia,' but what does she know?

[timbernut]

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?" "No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!" 
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says. "President Trump” his boss quickly retorts. "Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go. At the White House, Trump spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the feck is that on the balcony with Dave?'"

Can’t Dave vouch for Mark2 eggs?

[eggsarascal]

5 minutes ago, timbernut said:

Can’t Dave vouch for Mark2 eggs?

Even Dave draws the line with some folk.

[Yournamehere]

On 28/12/2018 at 22:34, Ratman said:

http://seoi.net/penint/

Draw anything you want then shake the phone

 

Click the link above guys

The phone's in the hallway; so I went out and shook it: you'll never guess what was on m'puter screen when I got back!

[Ratman]

The phone's in the hallway; so I went out and shook it: you'll never guess what was on m'puter screen when I got back!

[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

[Rich Rule]

"Beware of Dandelions? That's a stupid sign," I  said climbing over a fence.
Soon after I was mauled by four big cats wearing top hats and monocles.