Jokes???

[Tommy_B]

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!

[Mark J]

I was having sex the other day, banging away, when suddenly I stopped mid-thrust and stood really still. "What are you doing?" she asked, "Something I learnt from online porn. It's called 'buffering'."

[Dave Martin]

Paddy was passing by Mick's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he saw Mick doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.

 

Buttocks clenched he performed a slow pirouette and gently slid off first the right welly, followed by the left.

 

He then hunched his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move let his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers .

 

Grabbing both sides of his check shirt he ripped it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurled his flat cap on to a pile of hay.

 

 

What on earth are you doing Mick? said Paddy

 

 

Jeez Paddy ye frightened the livin bejasus out of me said an obviously embarrassed Mick

 

 

Me and the Missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and I went to a Therapist

 

 

He suggested I do something sexy to a tractor "

[Big J]

Very good!

[Bundle 2]

OMG...Please no!

 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ljFfL-mL70]YouTube - Darth Vader recording for TomTom GPS - behind the scenes[/ame]

 

and

 

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdcJVuylmsM]YouTube - Yoda recording for TomTom GPS - behind the scenes[/ame]

[tommer9]

>

> Miss Beatrice, The church organist, Was in her eighties And had never

> been married. She was admired for her sweetness And kindness. One

> afternoon, the pastor Came to call on her and she showed him into her

> quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared

> tea.

> As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed

> a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with

> water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

> When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

> The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and

> its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no

> longer resist.

> 'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'

> pointing to the bowl.

> 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through

> the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the

> ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and

> that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had

> the flu all winter'

[Stephen Blair]

these are quality ha ha

[andyandy]

This sexy bird looked at my beer belly and said "Is that carlsberg or tetleys? " I replied" "theres a tap underneath love if u wanna taste it!":001_tt2:

[Tree Man Tom]

hahahaha thats brilliant!

[tommer9]

An Irish farmer named Seamus had an accident with a lorry ,and was

> sueing the lorry company,

> In court their hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..

>

> Solicitor

>

> 'Now didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm

> fine?' .

>

> Seamus

>

> 'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow,

> Bessie, into the...'

>

> Solicitor

>

> 'I didn't ask for any details','Just answer the question.. Did you not

> tell the police officer, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?'

>

> Seamus

>

> 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the sidecar and I was driving down

> the road....'

>

>

> The solicitor interrupted again and said,

>

> 'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of

> the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine.

> Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I

> believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'

>

> By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's answer and

> said to the solicitor:

>

> 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.

>

> Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded.

>

> 'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite cow, into

> the sidecar and was driving her down the road when this huge lorry and

> trailer came through a stop sign and hit me right in the side. I was

> thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurt

> very bad like, and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old

> Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by

> her groans. Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike

> turned up. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to

> her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun

> and shot her between the eyes.

>

> Then the policeman came charging across the road, gun still in hand,

> looked me up and down, and said,

> 'How badly are you hurt?'

>

> 'Now what on earth would you have said'?