Jokes???

[timbernut]

Well know one had posted for awhile, I'll get my coat!

 

 

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[markieg31]

He's here all week folks... to be fair my wife would probably find that amusing

 

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[nepia]

This tickled me.

 

'An old Marine Pilot sat down in Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flying jacket, and ordered a cup of coffee.

 

As he sat sipping his coffee a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked 'Are you a real pilot?'

 

He replied 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes; first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII and later in the Korean conflict Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds so I guess I am a pilot. And you; what are you?'

 

She said 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about naked women. When I shower I think about naked women. When I watch TV I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

 

The two sat there sipping in silence.

 

A little while later a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked

'Are you a real pilot?'

 

He replied 'I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

[Mull]

 

 

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[skyhuck]

This tickled me.

 

'An old Marine Pilot sat down in Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flying jacket, and ordered a cup of coffee.

 

As he sat sipping his coffee a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked 'Are you a real pilot?'

 

He replied 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes; first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII and later in the Korean conflict Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds so I guess I am a pilot. And you; what are you?'

 

She said 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about naked women. When I shower I think about naked women. When I watch TV I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

 

The two sat there sipping in silence.

 

A little while later a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked

'Are you a real pilot?'

 

He replied 'I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

 

Excellent

[SteveA]

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other,

"What kind of music do you like?"

 

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan"

cheers, steve

[Big J]

THE GYNAECOLOGIST WHO BECAME A MECHANIC

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." ............

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I've never seen done in my entire career".

[TimberCutterDartmoor]

THE GYNAECOLOGIST WHO BECAME A MECHANIC

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark." ............

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the exhaust pipe, which I've never seen done in my entire career".

 

:thumbup1:

[Haironyourchest]

Brilliant, passed it on!

 

...

 

A frustrated father was discussing parenting in the pub: "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son's room - he has his own colour TV, telephone, computer, CD player and Playstation."

 

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

 

"I send him to MY room!" exclaimed the father.

[Mark J]

A sultana walks into a bank and says 'I'd like to open up a current account please.'

Edited March 22, 2017 by Mark J