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Jokes???


brownie1964

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What did the pirate say when he turned 80? 

 

Aye matey!

 

 

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

 

 

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're going to pay. You have my Word!

 

 

I broke my finger the other day. On the other hand, I'm OK!

 

 

My Grandfather has the heart of a lion......and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

 

 

Why should you never date a tennis player? 

 

Because love means nothing to them.

 

 

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

 

Attire.

 

 

In our family we have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.

 

Runs in our jeans.

 

 

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it'd make him faster. 

 

If anything, it made him more sluggish.

 

 

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? 

 

You look for the fresh prints.

 

 

 

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Billy was out in his Land Rover one day, and he stopped to help a young lady at the side of the road who had broken down.

He found the fault, and was for heading on his way when she says that she really appreciates his help, maybe they could go out for a drink some time.

On the night they got on really well. They saw each other several times, and eventually decided to make things permanent.

A few months after the wedding Billy is in the garage and his wife is in there with him, watching him work on his Land Rover, something he does most evenings and weekends.

She says quietly "You spend a lot of time in here. I think it's time you sold that Land Rover."

Billy replies "You sound like my ex wife."

"You never told me you'd been married before!" she retorts.

"I haven't," said Billy.

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