tommer9

I gave up on stihl bio chain oil as it kept turning to jelly and not oiling.

It was Trust, but they have just writen to me saying that their underwriter has pulled out pof commercial insurance as of jan 1st this year...so i suppose that my truck has been uninsured for a month. They then went on to offer me an alternative quote, with their new underwriter, which is more than double what i was paying!!! Time to find a new one then.

There are problems at customs with importing timber. I cant remember if I was told about sawn or round timber having disease control issues at the ports. I know alot of oak is imported in the round, but before you arrange a sale/ price, I would make some enquiries to see if i am mistaken or what have you. It certainly sounds like a nice stick though.

Actual call centre conversations !!!!! Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'. Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'. Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'. Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Samsung Electronics Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'. Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- RAC Motoring Services Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia ?' Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ): 'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- Directory Enquiries Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please'. Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off'. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland '. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'. Customer: 'OK'. Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'. Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No'. Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?'. Customer: 'Sure.. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?' ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?'. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---- ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---- There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'. Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations! ): Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.' Operator: 'What sort of trouble??' Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' Operator: 'Went away?' Caller: 'They disappeared.' Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?' Caller: 'Nothing.' Operator: 'Nothing??' Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??' Caller: 'How do I tell?' Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??' Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?' Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.' Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??' Caller: 'What's a monitor?' Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??' Caller: 'I don't know.' Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??' Caller: 'Yes, I think so.' Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: 'Yes, it is.' Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable...' Caller: 'Okay, here it is.' Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.' Caller: 'I can't reach.' Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??' Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.' Operator: 'Dark??' Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. ' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.' Caller: 'I can't.' Operator: 'No? Why not??' Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.' Operator: 'A power....... .. A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??' Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.' Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from..' Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?' Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.' Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??' Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!! !'

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out,' replied the daughter The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out. Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.' 'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.'

IRISH DIET An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day ...... And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.' When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs! 'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?' The Irishman nodded ... 'I'll tell you though, be jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 'tird day.' 'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor. 'No, from the blinkin' skippin'

A Scotsman’s Chilli. A hungry but penniless bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow. He sits at the counter and notices Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks, "If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?" The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says, "Aye, ye can gae right aheid." Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl. The old Jock says, "Aye, that's as far as I got too."

Mick- you're my hero!! (i think it's dead now though)

Do you mean wythenshawe, Manchester?

That is phenomenal!!

I think you have summed up what I was driving at. Like I say others know alot more about it than me, as i am not involved in UA work, hence the vaguness of my post....

Actually (and i think CTS will prob correct me if im wrong, he doe s a lot of powerline stuff) Hi-line arent really that visible down here, more devon. Silvanus seem to have moset of cornwall covered. There were others such as AA arborists but you dont see them anymore, but the tenders are out again soon i think and Hi line want to do bigger stuff/ dismantles, as opposed to just man in a basket clearance, and I heard that Western tree surgeons and sivanus are rethinkkgn what they do too. Its a bit up in the air at the mo from what i can tell, but the fact that sivanus have got to you for a CV means they might be going to continue with it as it were.

LOL i was only ribbing you. Arbtalk is probably the best way though in all seriousness. Bearin mind though that there are now a phenomenal number of people getting into the industry, which for years hasnt been as popular (if thats the right word) as a career, and there is only a finite amount of work out there. Couple that with the recession and the time of year, and you will see why it is soo difficult to break into it. When i started in tree work about 14 years ago, there was 2 pages of ads in the yellow pages. There are now about 7 in cornwall (which is one of the less wooded counties,) and alot of people are puling out of the yellow pages too. A good way into it/ of finding work, would be to start on utility work. That is pretty consistent, and they have a high staff turnoover so jobs are fairly regularly available.

Nasty stuff. the (dubious) joys of thatched roofs.

There's a very good Forum on the net called Arbtalk. Google it and become a member.

Can a mod not just bin this ridiculous diatribe of a thread........or even the thread starter????

If you PM me your number, I may be in a position to give you the odd day or so here and there, or could possibly put you in touch with others who may need a climber on an ad-hoc asis. I am away working at the moment, but I will get back to you over the weekend for a chat if that suits?

I am surprised at this thread to say the least. Not only the subject matter, which is astonishing in so far as you would consider this course of (illegal) ation, but also that you are prepared to describe it on a public forum!

Monkey D has summed it up perfectly....Wow!

Bloody chippies:001_rolleyes: He is mistaken.

Well your man at the saw mill doesnt know his stuff then. Turkey was first thought to be the answer to the UK oak need for the navy- fast, straight growing oak. Unfortunately it was soon found to have no structural strength, massive movement in drying, and was very susceptible to decay out of doors. It became known as Wainscote oak, as the panelling in old houses (wainscoting) could be made out of it. It also used to be prized by furniture makers, because if you successfully dry it without too much movement and splitting, it is a VERY attractive timber, the medullary rays being particularly wide and strong, and present in alot of the boads from the log, even when live- sawn not quater sawn. I have twio cabinet makers who regularly ask me for it. Like most things in the modern world, this knowledge has largely been lost, and turkey oak has a terrible reputation. A sfar as burning it goes, it isnt a bad burning wood at all. It has a fairly high calorific value, as does most oak, hence its quality as a firewood, but it will need more drying to get the same M.C as (for example) pedunculate oak. It also has a very wide band of 'sapwood', which will rot fairly easily, so I have found that splitting and drying under cover or in a very windy place is necesary to avoid loss. It splits okay too.

A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?' . She replied, 'Probably fishing with his mates.' It took 45 minutes to restore order in the Classroom.........

It has to be TOTALLY dried out, or it is crap. Log merchants down here wont touch it in general. If they mix it in its because they have been given a mixed load and cant afford not to.