Mark Bolam

@monkeybusiness has some big yews coming up.

I’m on Facebook, but often wish I wasn’t. For me, it’s a great tool to keep in touch with mates back in Northumberland, uni mates, and friends and family abroad. I don’t consider it a proper business tool, so while my company has a presence, I don’t promote it. It has led to about 4 decent jobs in the last two years. Most enquiries are ‘Small apple tree to take down, £30 cash waiting’ etc. Must be a fully qualified, insured and cheap tree surgeon. They are invariably followed with 40 recommendations for ‘S&K waste clearance’ or ‘Adams Plumbing Services’ and shit like that. Not the kind of work I want, it doesn’t bother me. What does piss me off is the increasing amount of pro companies popping up on my feed. ‘We welcome your query for a fast, efficient service’. York. Humberside. Macclesfield. Nottingham. Rayleigh. Penzance. I’m in Kent ffs, why are you splattering your desperate shite all over FB? You’re obviously paying for this blanket saturation, could your money not be better spent on more targeted, local marketing? A lad who started working with us last year who showed a fair bit of promise has decided FB is the Holy Grail, and set up his own company. Said he could sub us in at top dollar. It’s cringeworthy to say the least. 2 months in - ‘But it’s not fair on me pricing, because you’ve got all the trucks, chippers, loaders and stumpgrinders.’ Imagine that! He got arsesy when I pointed out that I knew the difference between a birch and a eucalyptus before I set up my own ‘tree care company’. It seems to be a modern phenomenon, and not a good one.

String them along Mark. Get them to email their promises and screenshot them here, might open a few eyes.

I used them back in the day because my Yellow Pages advertising sort of morphed into them. I realised they were shit, and massive liars. I cancelled my direct debit and they threatened to take me to court for £1500. I told them I would welcome a court appearance and would defend myself as I had plenty of evidence of them being lying scum. Funnily enough I never heard from them again.

It’s a tough gig for sure Dan. I doubt they are ever called in to find anything nice. No search is ever foolproof, especially in those conditions. I can often fail to find my truck keys/vape/glasses etc. after a detailed search of my workbench, so it’s a bit of an ask in muddy, flowing and tidal conditions. Simplest explanation is a tragic accident, but we may never know for sure. RIP, anyway.

Some good suggestions here. I could certainly do with a new compressor before my cheapo 20 year old one blows up. It just keeps on going though, exclusively for tyres and blowing out saws. A quiet one would be nice. As Dan has mentioned, I’ve done the naked walk of shame to the workshop a couple of times when I’ve forgotten to turn it off! It always makes me laugh when people slag off a particular saw and I ask what compressor they use? ’What compressor?’ How you can properly maintain a saw without one is completely beyond me?

I picked one of these up at the APF as well. Not for saws, but a lovely little thing. Can fold flat to your harness if required. Micro Vault | Accessories | DMM Wales DMMWALES.COM Browse Micro Vault products in Accessories. Available to buy online, delivered direct from DMM Wales.

The locker is great for this very reason!

Good point mate!

This figure is provided by Yell themselves. * * It may not be accurate or true

Oh no, imagine having to take a tree down in sections. Nightmare. I think I’ve got the same picture in my head as everyone else of the ‘Tree Surgeon’ passing sections down to his ‘assistants’.

That looks good for slinging a big saw by the handle. I use a large caritool with the gate removed for this, with my Vault on the other side.

How do you do that Will? I haven’t drained my cheapo one in about 20 years!

DMM Vault.

Is Stoke too far mate? Kirklands were great when they built a new back for my Transit.

Your neighbour is being completely unreasonable. Can you get a TPO put on the tree?

Pictures would help enormously, especially side on up the boundary line.

I can’t. I’m bang to rights.

I kind of meant how can you frame a cheque once you’ve paid it in?

Poker chips are a pita, I agree. I mean lumps like half that piece that snapped your loopie.

We hardly ever negative rig. I reckon it’s quicker bombing chunks onto a half filled ton bag.

Nice Alex, but what’s with the ‘Hello Sailor!’ sling?

Yeah, we lock stuff off all the time if we need to. Sounds like there wasn’t much else you could do tbf Joe, as you say must be a CTF thing. Glad you only bust the inside of your pants.

Lovely work. Pretty pointless imo as well as yours, but very tidy. Joe, were you using rings or a block? Did the groundie stop it dead?