sime42

Vaseline The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he woke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out ! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bedcovers she pulled back the elastic waistband of his shorts and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he raced to the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, Tears in her eyes. After all the years of torture she reckoned she had got her revenge. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained shorts with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked what was the matter. He said Honey, you were right. All those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you. "What do you mean," asked his wife. "Well, you always told me one day I would end up farting my guts out and today it finally happened. But by the grace of god, some vaseline and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

Northern leg of HS2 to Manchester will be scrapped NEWS.SKY.COM After weeks of speculation, the high-speed rail line between Birmingham and Manchester is set to be shelved, Sky...

Interesting plants. Are you growing it for the berries? They're pretty robust I think, and used as a hedging plant, so shouldn't be too fussed about being cut about. Some info here;- Sea Buckthorn Hedging | Hippophae rhamnoides | Hedges Direct WWW.HEDGESDIRECT.CO.UK

My kind of faggots;

This has got to be a good idea surely? Gillian Keegan pledges crackdown on mobiles in schools WWW.BBC.CO.UK The education secretary says pupils in England should be banned from using phones during the school day.

I don't think they're necessarily shite, just nowhere near as good as the hype and bloated price tag would suggest. The boss, Mr James Dyson is an arrogant knob as well.

I saw some full on bonsai laid hedges recently, in Hawthorn. They were alive and complete with constituent parts like pleachers, stakes etc.There were several, displaying different regional styles. On a Hedge Laying Association stand at a country show. Very cool, wish I'd got some photos.

Talking of one individual spending a lot of time telling another something............... that's quite some list you've compiled there. Good work. I'm not disputing the state of the city by the way, but I'm curious to understand how the ULEZ stuff has contributed to that. Can you elaborate on the details of that please? Does less cars = more rats or something weird?

Low hanging fruit ............

Interesting topic. I'm not aware of it being a thing to bend out the crown of a tree, other than for fruit trees where I think it's a technique that's used sometimes, to increase yield and to make harvesting easier. No reason why it can't be done with other trees though. The method you suggest sounds as good as any. The branches won't resume their original shapes once the tension is relieved, as long as it's left long enough. Though new shoots, young branches will always revert to vertical if left to their own devices. Have a look for images of old, grown-out laid hedges - theres lots of near horizontal tree trunks around the place. Testimont to the lasting effect of what you want to do You can even grow chairs from sycamore! Front Page - Full GrownFull Grown FULLGROWN.CO.UK Combining ancient techniques with modern technology we grow furniture. We graft, nurture then harvest living trees into...

Yeah, standard Daily Wail. Demonise the least fortunate, or victims in any situation, and stir up as much outrage and division as possible. It floats some people's boats apparently.

Scotland at least seem to be taking a step in the right direction on this front. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12566865/inside-uk-drug-consumption-room-shooting-booths-doctors-watch.html

Culshaw impersonates a 'relaxed and syrupy' Sunak WWW.BBC.CO.UK The comedian was on Sunday With Laura Kuenssberg, so Laura asked him to do some impressions.

Dry Stone Wall Builder, running short of work. (Good chainsaw skills too, but weather conditions got the better of the fell on the day).

I wonder what the Conspiracy Theorists are making of the mask? Something outlandish no doubt.

Interesting. Not heard that before. "It’s an entirely avoidable disaster, but unless we prepare now, in advance of any foreseeable disasters, we run the risk of mortgaging our entire species’ future in space, all because we failed to take the necessary precautions." - so that's another thing to look forward to in a few years then.

Why's he got a mask on?

Coconuts are good, but it takes quite a bit of patience to crack the shell away from the flesh first. The coconut water inside is good also. I wouldn't buy them in a supermarket though.

Yeah, i think you might be right, everything was a bit too generic in that post. What a world we live in now, where we can't trust anything we read?! Only going to get much worse too, with the ascent of AI.

Elon showing his firm grasp on reality again there.

Probably. I've heard removing ancient woodland justified by the promise to plant hundreds of new trees, (into made up ground and half will more than likely die after the first year anyway). The people that make these massive decisions really have no idea. Or even worse; they do but don't care a damn about the consequences of what they do.