Mark J

Little Johnny was sitting on park bench smoking one of his Mam's tabs, when this old gadge came and sat next to him. Old gadge points at the tab and says' Those things will kill you before your time.' Little Johnny says' My grandad lived to be ninety.' Old gadge says' Did he smoke?' Little Johnny says' Nah, he minded his own f'ing business!'

A frog walks into the bank and sits down with an advisor. Advisor says hey nice to meet you. My name is Paddy Whack and I’ll be discussing your loan inquiry today. The Frog says cool, my name is Kermit, nice to meet you. Advisory grins and say’s you’re not the THEE Kermit are you. Frog says no haha but my dad is Mick Jagger. What?? The advisor says, no way. Frog says yeah Mick had an ongoing affair with a frog and I’m their offspring. After the shock the advisor asks about the frogs loan request. So what is it for he asks. The frog says I’m wanting to upgrade my Lilypad. Advisor asks well do you have any collateral? Frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out tiny pink elephant made out of marble. Advisor looks confused and say wait there I’m going to need to speak to my manager. Advisor goes out back and speaks to his manager and holds out the pink elephant and ask hey boss what’s this? The boss says it’s a nick knack paddy whack, give the frog a loan. His old man’s a rolling stone.

Tier 3 as of next week, which makes little sense as we were in tier 2 before a month of lockdown. To me this suggests that they're either carping it about hospital capacity, partial lockdowns don't work or they really don't have a clue. Bring in UBI, cap private landlord rents. Close schools. Open pubs. Never caught nits in a pub.

My PC reckons I've got two garages.

200t, 576, 660.

200t, 576, 660.

.

Mackems have got enough on their plates at the moment. I thought it only fair to spread the love.

NORTHUMBERLAND LOCKDOWN PROTOCOL Blyth - you are able to fight your neighbour providing you wear a mask and social distancing rules are adhered to. Choppington - burgling homes in your local area is still permitted providing you sanitise before and after the offence. Track and trace technology must also be used. Lynemouth - you can only visit your dealer when collecting your children from school. The dealer should wear a face visor and make sure all bags are sanitised. Alnwick - having sex with your sister is still permitted but you must be home before 10pm and use approved lubricant. Bedlington - Vigilante groups of no more than six allowed outdoors and socially distancing between the hours of 10pm - 2am only. You must wear suitable PPE for any physical contact. Amble - prostitute services are still permitted to remain open, this is now classed as essential services for fear of the economic collapse of the town. Entry from the rear only. Newbiggin by the sea - Now declared a NO GO ZONE (in 1984), if you must travel to this area please follow all diversions, traffic cones and signals, remain in your car, do not abandon your car, masks are not required as nothing is open. ASHINGTON - Everyone must remain at home and self isolate until manufacturers can distribute gloves with 6 fingers. Please do not go to A&E for digit removal as they are a tad busy. Morpeth - Covid in these parts does not exist, therefore you should carry on as you were, house hopping, social gatherings, drunken parties and fireworks until January are mandatory, Survival of the fittest, we're currently testing 'herd immunity' in these areas. Cramlington - Taking crops stabbing people and kicking **************** out your nana are still allowed but only till 10pm aslong as you stick to the lockdow guidelines and wear full face visors for each of your heads Stick to these guidelines and we'll get through it together."

Personally I couldn't care either way. I'm just bored on a Saturday night. I think she's a proper rotter though.

What sort of damage do you reckon she has on Bozo?

Should they sack her for breaching ministerial code of conduct?

So do you reckon they should sack Patel for swearing at a bunch of suits? It doesn't seem like she's achieved anything by it.

"The Nazi elements of the Labour Party" - lol. You've been on the Ickeaid again haven't you.

I Yet, Womble Starmer has purged the labour party of its anti-semitism. Boris seems to be still embracing a culture of intolerance by virtue of keeping Patel in her cabinet position. Call that out.

Noted.

What about her being hoyed out of some trashy club for conspiring with the Israelies? Did you like that bit of her career?

I've said this before, but you appear to be hard of thinking. I liked Corbyn, I thought he was honest, but I'm far from an 'ardent labour supporter'.

I dunno Kev, They have standards that they're supposed to uphold. I'm yet to work for anyone who didn't swear like a trooper on occasion, but you have strike a balance. I expect people to carry on like that. Many wouldn't. It seems like there's ructions since Dom abandoned ship.

It appears that Mrs Patel is a bit of a 'babe': Priti Patel: Bullying inquiry head quits as PM backs home secretary WWW.BBC.CO.UK The home secretary apologises for any upset - but says she was "not being supported" by her department.

Turns out he's now in an hotel in Newquay. (might be why it looks nice)...