Bite your tongue.

[ArthurBottlesworth]

At lancashire traction engine club

Talk about fair organs

Little feeble old fellah shouts out

 

I WISH I HAD A SAVAGE ORGAN

 

Upoar

[Peasgood]

I was being asked by an aunt why one of my cousins was living with a younger lad.

Everybody knew they were gay but for some reason nobody had told Aunt.

Well I think they are just friends I said. Maybe he doesn't like living alone I said. Maybe he helps out around the place I said. Question after question.

In the end I said does it really matter why.

 

Oh no she says, it just seems a little queer.

[Peasgood]

Different cousin, different aunt.

Cousin lives in Alaska and had posted on FB that last night she had been eating beaver. Obviously all the sniggering you would expect got posted on there.

 

Next day I happened to bump into my Aunt, her mother, and mentioned I had been talking to her on FB. Oh she said, how's she getting on, we haven't spoke for a little while, I must call her....

She's fine, says she has been eating beaver.

Ooh! says my aunt, "I'm not sure I would fancy that at all."

"I would imagine it to taste of fish"

 

I just wet myself without any change in expression whatsoever. :lol:

[Old Mill Tree Care]

It seems that since I got married I've had all sorts of 'no strings attached' offers!

Life's so unfair!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Arbtalk mobile app.

[Will Heal]

It seems that since I got married I've had all sorts of 'no strings attached' offers!

Life's so unfair!

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Arbtalk mobile app.

 

 

Ha! Maybe I should get married then!

[peatff]

Poor fella had no idea, but gave us a great laugh, and we now still refer to all small gaps as glory holes

 

It's an old term used to be used for the cupboard under the stairs in terraced houses when we were kids.

[carlos]

female client" can you please move your chopper, i need to get past"!!! of course referring to the wood chipper and getting her car out, still made me laugh though.

[Ty Korrigan]

Went to a country house a few years back, met the lady of the house, who spoke with her expensively educated voice and carefully explained that she needed screening and thought a Penis would be best.

 

The conversation included the following gems:

 

How she needed at 15ft high Penis

How good her Penis would be at screening

How big would her Penis be after ten years

 

Amazingly I kept it together, not referring to Pinus or Pinus 10 minutes, for amongst other things hoping she would carry on telling others about her need!

 

Sadly, this also gives us hours of fun over here as the French pronounce 'Pinus' as 'Peeenus'

Ty:001_rolleyes:

[humpo48]

Was talking to a lady client on the phone and told her I would be round to cut her front bush, put the phone done and the wife reminded me what I had said!!!!!

[skc101fc]

Went with climber to job in the rear garden of a street terrace in Oxford. We were earlier than expected. Knocked at door, client comes out looking surprised them announces we'll have to wait whilst he clears out his back passage . Priceless !!. Had to quickly run back to the truck " to get something" but just to get out of earshot before the sides split. Rest of day was just out of control!! This was 20 years ago. Still brings tears thinkin about it now. Met up with John the climber recently , the first memory shared was this one. Shaun