Bite your tongue.

[difflock]

I remember working for one old dear and whilst I was having tea she was regaling me with tales of her life in India during the last days of the Raj and how she was taken up the Kyber by a regiment of Light Dragoons.

 

prob was too:lol:

[Will Heal]

A few years ago My boss shouted out the window of the work truck ' sit on my face' to a young lady who was walking past, but she was quick to reply 'why ? Is your nose bigger than your.....'

[sloth]

A few years ago My boss shouted out the window of the work truck ' sit on my face' to a young lady who was walking past, but she was quick to reply 'why ? Is your nose bigger than your.....'

 

Brilliant!

 

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Arbtalk mobile app

[difflock]

On that line, an "Old Gallant" of a farmer shouted down the shop to Maureen behind the counter that he still wanted to get into her knickers.

Quick as a flash, Maureen replied;

"I got one arsehole in my knickers already, an I find it is plenty"

I could not help clapping in appaluse.

[peatff]

I used to help a mate at weekends and an older woman, tweed skirt and trilby country type came for an estimate on a job. She was standing in the kitchen and his Golden Retriever came in and pushed his nose up her skirt sniffing deeply. She said, "I bet he can smell my pussy" and we all fell out of the room leaving his wife to sort her out as we couldn't stop laughing.

[simonm]

I got asked by a woman to look at her bushy area...down the side of the house

[Ruskins Trees]

Went to a country house a few years back, met the lady of the house, who spoke with her expensively educated voice and carefully explained that she needed screening and thought a Penis would be best.

 

The conversation included the following gems:

 

How she needed at 15ft high Penis

How good her Penis would be at screening

How big would her Penis be after ten years

 

Amazingly I kept it together, not referring to Pinus or Pinus 10 minutes, for amongst other things hoping she would carry on telling others about her need!

[Firestorm]

Went to a country house a few years back, met the lady of the house, who spoke with her expensively educated voice and carefully explained that she needed screening and thought a Penis would be best.

 

The conversation included the following gems:

 

How she needed at 15ft high Penis

How good her Penis would be at screening

How big would her Penis be after ten years

 

Amazingly I kept it together, not referring to Pinus or Pinus 10 minutes, for amongst other things hoping she would carry on telling others about her need!

 

 

Love it

[Matthew Arnold]

We were removing a layer of ivy and brambles away from a member of the publics house gable end as the brambles were encroaching into the roof space. On removing the thicket we exposed a window which looked directly into his ensuite bathroom with his misses attending to her person. He said thats a fine rug removed from my humble abode. Without thinking a colleague said "Your wife is attending to her rug too". The reaction from everyone was quality especially the husband of the lady. We were laughing for weeks afterwards. He sent a very apologetic letter, he didnt need to apologise as we beleive it was his "mistress" as he was in his late 60s, she was in her 30s

[TreePuncher]

Removed a couple of Scott's pines for a old guy, after we was done he asked "could you just clear the area between my fence and shed? I like to store stuff down there, everyone needs a glory hole don't they"

 

Poor fella had no idea, but gave us a great laugh, and we now still refer to all small gaps as glory holes