Funny lines that customers come out with!

[oldwoodcutter]

When they see us getting our sandwiches out to have a break -

"If anyone would like to wash their hands there's some water over there" pointing to an old square galvanised tank down the garden with about 3" of green slime on the surface.

Or another caring customer on a hot summers day -

"Help yourselves if you'd like a drink" while offering the use of brass tap on a standpipe next to where he swills his dogs cages out.

[dogman]

While discussing a large hedge reduction with a very upper-class customer (he actually sounds just like Prince Charles) he asked me (with his wife present)...

'Do you swing'?

 

After a very long and embarrassing silence he explained

'When you cut it will you be swinging on ropes'?

 

Phew!

 

Got a labourer who is obsessed with "swingers" !, to be fair one couple probably were, as she spent 45 minutes flouncing around in a black silk dressing gown that was so short I could see her.....anyway had to tell the hired help to go & sit in the van.

 

"...Can I pay you in instalments ?...", "only if I do the work in instalments" I replied.

 

Rob

[peatff]

Some blokes digging the road up outside our house got me one day. One of them said " Is there a café handy " to which I replied "yes there's one about 300 yards that way round the bend". His mate chipped in, " No you're supposed to say, why are you ready for a drink ?"

[Couldyajust]

That little saw looks much safer than your big one. Where can I buy one?

 

Referring to my climbing saw.

[clearviewtrees123]

Only oak tree are protected, anything else are just weeds

 

 

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[Eddy_t]

Had many a client ask me to look at a tree, for me to tell them it's an oak...

'Aren't oak trees protected? They're rare!'

Nope, 20 out of the 30 trees in view are bloody oaks!

 

A few have told me where plug sockets and extension leads are so I can plug a saw in!

 

Everywhere I go has very fertile soil too, as the trees double in size over a few years!

 

Another favourite is when I take down a 30+" tree and the owner wants everything down to 1" logs... But still wants the brash chipped... Until the tree is down and there's a mountain of logs!

[Pete Hart]

Only oak tree are protected, anything else are just weeds

 

 

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Oh I've heard that many a time. It's a classic!

[Mountain man]

"Can you keep as much as possible for logs rather than chipping? We want to save as much as possible"

 

Once they've gone back inside.............

[Mortimer Firewood]

"Can you keep as much as possible for logs rather than chipping? We want to save as much as possible"

 

Once they've gone back inside.............

 

With us if it fits in chipper it gets chipped if it's stopping there or not

[Mountain man]

Yes exactly, sometimes you have to pay lip service though.