Jokes???

[chaffey]

For my anniversary i bought my wife a coat made from 3,500 hamster skins and then i took her off to Blackpool. Couldn't get her off the big wheel for two days!!

[Stephen Blair]

Ha ha ha

[Paulfreebury]

My wife and i walked past a swanky restaurant​ last night ' did you smell that food it smelt incredible​ ' she said . Being the nice guy i am i thought ' sod it i'll treat her ' so we walked past again.

[western]

Why did the Baker have brown hands? because he needed a POO!

[Big J]

My friend just left his job as head of the manufacturing process in the tiddlywink factory. He was really disillusioned and said the whole job was counter productive.

[Mark Bolam]

Class J.

[Mark J]

I went into a pet shop and asked for a goldfish. The guy said "Do you want an aquarium?" I said "I'm not bothered what star sign it is."

[new_fella]

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like Snow White.

 

Doctor: What's come over you?

 

Patient: Seven dwarfs and a wood cutter.

 

 

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I am here: http://maps.google.com/maps?ll=51.551527,0.561906

Edited August 21, 2011 by new_fella

[Mark J]

Saw a chameleon today.

 

So I guess it's safe to say it was a pretty naff chameleon.

[Dave Martin]

The largest condom factory in the States burned down. President Obama was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of the week."

 

Obama: "Oh damn! The economy will never be able to cope with all those unwanted babies. We'll be ruined. We'll have to ship some in from Mexico .."

Telephone voice says, "Bad idea... The Mexicans will have a field day with this one. We'll be a laughing stock. What about the UK ?"

Obama: "Okay, I'll call Cameron and tell him we need five million condoms, ten inches long and three inches wide. That way, they'll continue to respect us as Americans."

 

Three days later, a delighted President Obama ran out to open the first of the 10,000 boxes that had just arrived. He found it full of condoms, 10 inches long and 3 inches wide, exactly as requested... All coloured with Union Jacks with small writing on each one:

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MADE IN ENGLAND - SIZE: SMALL