Jokes???

[roboted]

 

[Rich Rule]

A young girl begs her mam for a pet. His dad thinks long a hard. A dog  would be hard work, he doesn’t like cats, his wife doesn’t like birds he  was a bit stuck but said they’d go to the pet shop and have a look.  Once at the shop pet shop owner says he has just the pet, a hamster.  They don’t live long, easy to look after & are cheap. The girl is  very excited with the idea so the dad agrees. 
 While the girl looks at cages the pet shop owner takes the dad to one side & shows him two  different types of hamster. “There’s these for £5 or for £3 more you  can have one of these”. “What’s the difference?” Asks the dad. “Well, as  you know hamsters only last a few years but if you get one of these you  can make jam from it afterwards” said the pet shop owner, then  proceeded to give cooking instructions. The man agrees & buys his  son an £8 hamster.
 Life went well but then in a few years the  hamster died. Whilst the girl was in school the dad thought about what  the pet shop owner had said & thought he’d give the jam a go. He put  the hamster in a pan with a load of sugar & a bit of water,  simmered it for ages then put the resultant “jam” in jars feeling  chuffed with his efforts. The next morning he thought he’d try some of  the jam on toast. He spread it on thick & took a bit bite. It was  disgusting, as he retched he threw the whole jar & his toast  straight out the kitchen window where it smashed in a stone in his  flowerbed.
 He thought nothing more of it until a week later he  looked out if his window & saw a whole host of gorgeous daffodils.  They took his breath away & he couldn’t explain them. He went to the  pet shop later that day & explained everything to the pet shop  owner. The man recognised him & listened well but then when the dad  had finished looked all confused & said
  “that’s strange, normally you only get tulips from hamster jam!”

[topchippyles]

MEAL FOR ONE 

 

 

[s o c]

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

Visit to veterinarians practice this morning - saw this poster in the examining room and thought.....

 

If you switch “Sharon” for “Sajid”, that’d be quite funny. 

 

Myself & vet thought so - the dog wasn’t quite as obliging though ?

 

 

[Big J]

10 minutes ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

Visit to veterinarians practice this morning - saw this poster in the examining room and thought.....

 

If you switch “Sharon” for “Sajid”, that’d be quite funny. 

 

Myself & vet thought so - the dog wasn’t quite as obliging though ?

 

 

You could also say that Boris keeps trying to get out without a lead (anagram of deal) despite his custodians repeatedly telling him how daft it would be ?

[eggsarascal]

4 hours ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

Leave it as it is, it's already full of piss heads talking bollocks.

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

Yeah but, what about the £4billion renovation costs??  Be better (and probably more productive) if Smelly Tony the Big Issue vendor could pop in for his £3.50 fry up whilst nursing a pint of cheap, stale ale for hours on end whilst talking gibberish to anyone daft enough to make eye contact. 

 

Actually, maybe Smelly Tony could be the next Speaker ?

 

 

[eggsarascal]

2 minutes ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

Yeah but, what about the £4billion renovation costs??  Be better (and probably more productive) if Smelly Tony the Big Issue vendor could pop in for his £3.50 fry up whilst nursing a pint of cheap, stale ale for hours on end whilst talking gibberish to anyone daft enough to make eye contact. 

 

Actually, maybe Smelly Tony could be the next Speaker ?

 

 

It needs renovating, one shouldn't have to slouch on benches when one wants an afternoon nap.