Jokes???

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

13 hours ago, Rough Hewn said:

At the end of the tax
year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a
synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and
said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle
drippings?"

"Good question", noted the
Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and
every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat
disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he
went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases?
What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes",
replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him
with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to
the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy
biscuits."
"I see!" replied the auditor,
thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well,
Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from
the circumcisions
you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste",
answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send
them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete
prick."

So good I copied, amended and posted elsewhere!!  ?

 

I added "...with the left over, left over bits we are attempting to make a new Labour leader..." and there's also the (not so funny) technical amendment which is that HMRC would actually have sought to include the benefits in kind by way of free candles and free biscuits (easy to estimate a cash value) and the national / international benefit in kind calculation of creating a suitable and effective Labour leader which would be invaluable and impossible to calculate an equivalent cash value for revenue purposes.....

 

?

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful.

 

She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.

 

When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.

 

He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.

 

So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

 

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your
note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk.

 

Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

 

The blonde said,

 

"No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

 

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"

 

 

 

Wait for it

 

The blonde said,

 

"No, just up to my tits ...
I can splash it on my eyes if I need to!"

Edited August 4, 2018 by kevinjohnsonmbe

[timbernut]

[Khriss]

On 03/08/2018 at 20:58, Rough Hewn said:

At the end of the tax
year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a
synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and
said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle
drippings?"

"Good question", noted the
Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and
every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat
disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he
went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases?
What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes",
replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him
with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to
the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy
biscuits."
"I see!" replied the auditor,
thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well,
Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from
the circumcisions
you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste",
answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send
them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete
prick."

Obvs Jeremy Corbin could not ever laff at that one .... ( more than his job is worth :P ) K

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

6 hours ago, timbernut said:

C-17 and a Brazilian what else is there to see????

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

1 hour ago, Khriss said:

Obvs Jeremy Corbin could not ever laff at that one .... ( more than his job is worth ) K

He's finished anyway....  Might as well go out with an (honest) gag.....

 

Will it be Boris, will it be Jacob, we'll have to wait and see ???c'est sera sera, we all hope it's Nigel we see.....

[Ironbark]

[eggsarascal]

21 hours ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

He's finished anyway....  Might as well go out with an (honest) gag.....

 

Will it be Boris, will it be Jacob, we'll have to wait and see ???c'est sera sera, we all hope it's Nigel we see.....

You heard it here first folks.

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

6 hours ago, eggsarascal said:

You heard it here first folks.

Did we actually settle on the terms of a wager then?

 

or was I ranting too much??

Edited August 8, 2018 by kevinjohnsonmbe

[eggsarascal]

11 hours ago, kevinjohnsonmbe said:

Did we actually settle on the terms of a wager then?

 

or was I ranting too much??

Over the years I've come to realise that when people are faced with blunt, logical, consistent truth they do start to rant.