Jokes???

[Bob Slade]

LOVING HUSBAND

Dai has two of the best tickets for the Wales v England 6 Nations decider at the Millennium Stadium. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat for this game, the biggest sporting event of the year, and not use it?"

Dai says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh...I'm really sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour, to take the seat?"

 

Dai shakes his head...

"No...they're all at the funeral."

[Mull]

LOVING HUSBAND

Dai has two of the best tickets for the Wales v England 6 Nations decider at the Millennium Stadium. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat for this game, the biggest sporting event of the year, and not use it?"

Dai says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh...I'm really sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour, to take the seat?"

 

Dai shakes his head...

"No...they're all at the funeral."

 

 

Absolutely brilliant!!!

[TGB]

...

"No...they're all at the funeral."

 

 

Now that's funny!

[Stubby]

LOVING HUSBAND

Dai has two of the best tickets for the Wales v England 6 Nations decider at the Millennium Stadium. As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat for this game, the biggest sporting event of the year, and not use it?"

Dai says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh...I'm really sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour, to take the seat?"

 

Dai shakes his head...

"No...they're all at the funeral."

 

Its a cracker !

[Bob Slade]

A marriage broker goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr. Cohen, don't let it get too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the marriage broker.

"Don't bother," replies Mr. Cohen, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."

"I said 'two sisters'.... I didn't say they were mine!"

[Bob Slade]

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.

One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.

He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.

During mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?"

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

[Millbert]

Great jokes Bob! Made me spit my beer out!

[Stubby]

The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.

One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.

He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.

During mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.

"No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?"

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.

 

Its the way you tell em !

[Bob Slade]

Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.

"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."

"This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole.""Aaaaaaahhhhhh," said the children.

The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, "Mr. Dickson,my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in 1 hole. "Hmmmm," he thought,

"How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I'll be darned; I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?"

Yes," said Little Johnny, "You take a flute and shove it up your arse!"

[eggsarascal]

Mr. Dickson, the science teacher, asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.

Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer.

"Look," said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little "zero."

"This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole.""Aaaaaaahhhhhh," said the children.

The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, "Mr. Dickson,my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in 1 hole. "Hmmmm," he thought,

"How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I'll be darned; I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?"

Yes," said Little Johnny, "You take a flute and shove it up your arse!"

 

Well I'll be dammed.

Edited April 10, 2015 by eggsarascal