Jokes???

[Ratman]

There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,
Made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!


Why ???




OH, come on... Take a guess !!!




Think about it !!!



You're going to love this !!!





Everyone knows..




You can't kill Two Birds




With


OneStone !!

[Ratman]

[Ratman]

BEWARE - 57 YEAR OLDS [emoji794][emoji797]

Husband [emoji871] leaves letter [emoji394] for wife [emoji1352]‍?

My Dear Wife, ?‍♀ You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 22 year old secretary [emoji68] at the Comfort Inn Hotel. [emoji545] Please don't be upset—I shall be home before midnight. [emoji279]

When the man came home late [emoji293] that night, he found the following letter [emoji391] on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband, [emoji1351]‍? I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta [emoji543] with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. [emoji462] He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 22 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, ? you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 22 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 22. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.[emoji940]

[Ratman]

[Treerover]

A husband went to the Police station to report
that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Colour of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Colour of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: 2014 Land Rover Defender with 2.2 turbo diesel engine. Terrafirma suspension . Dif breather mod. Engel fridge. Arb compressor with front and rear lockers. Melville and Moon seat covers.
Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry Sir. We’ll find your Landy.

QUALITY [emoji23]??[emoji23]
(And nice spec too may I add )

[Ratman]

[Ratman]

[huskykev]

***** HELP WANTED IMMEDIATELY *****

Does anyone want to work? No background check, No DRUG SCREEN and will be PAID DAILY IN CASH! No SKILLS NEEDED!

I've got a huge job coming up. I need 2 people, 8 hours a day for 2 days. It will pay €1,000 a day plus hotel and food for this job. Will also give a €250 bonus for spending money per day. Total pay for 2 days work would be €2,500.00. Feb 30th and 31st... Reply if interested! LET ME KNOW A.S.A.P!!

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

[Khriss]

3 hours ago, huskykev said:

***** HELP WANTED IMMEDIATELY *****

Does anyone want to work? No background check, No DRUG SCREEN and will be PAID DAILY IN CASH! No SKILLS NEEDED!

I've got a huge job coming up. I need 2 people, 8 hours a day for 2 days. It will pay €1,000 a day plus hotel and food for this job. Will also give a €250 bonus for spending money per day. Total pay for 2 days work would be €2,500.00. Feb 30th and 31st... Reply if interested! LET ME KNOW A.S.A.P!!

Intreguing... Does Eggs know about this?  And does it involve trade negotiations with the Japanese ? k