Jokes???

[Ian150482]

What do you get when you cross a donkey with a onion?......

 

 

 

 

 

A piece of ass that'l bring a tear to your eye.

[Mark Lowndes]

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket . They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, 'Watch that wall!'

[Mark Lowndes]

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing

home, having a drink and a smoke, when it

starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts

off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and

continues smoking.

 

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

 

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette

doesn't get wet.

 

Arlene: Where did you get it?

 

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

 

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself

into the local drugstore and announces

to the pharmacist that she wants a box of

condoms.

 

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed,

looks at her kind of strangely (she is after

all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately

asks what brand of condom she prefers.

 

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a

Camel.'

 

The pharmacist fainted.

[Lyn Ed]

altzheimers protest march,

what do we want?

we dont know!

when do we want it?

want what!

[mikeyg]

how do you stop a dog from humping your leg?..............

 

..........give it a blow job.

[athelstan]

A crisis erupted in the middle east when Dubai TV refused to broadcast The Flintstones, A spokesperson said that the people of Dubai don't understand the humour, but those in Abu Dhabi Doo

[Topcat]

blonde's car breaks down so she calls aa

 

2mins after aa man arrives car is fixed.

 

That was quick said the blonde.

 

Yep just crap in the carb says AA man.

 

 

Great....and often do I do that...

[Highland Forestry]

Two peanuts walking down the road...

 

One was a salted!

[tommer9]

man goes to the doctor complaining that he has five dicks

"how do your trousers fir?" asks the doc

"like a glove....?"

 

 

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm, and says "this is the pig i have to f@%k every night you're not up for it"

 

Wife says " i think you'll find thats a sheep"

 

Man replies "i think you'll find i was talking to the sheep...!

[Graham]

A couple were cuddling up in bed on their wedding night; 'Darling' the bride said. 'I have a confession.......I used to be a hooker'.

 

Taken aback the groom thought for a while and then replied: 'actually that's quite erotic....tell me about it'.

 

'Well' she replied. 'My name was Nigel and I played for Wigan'.