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Until a couple of weeks ago I hadn’t had a ‘welfare’ visit from the old bill for being parked at the side of road for 18 months/2 years, yesterday afternoon get a knock from a lady PCSO. Normal spiel, are you ok, why are you living in a camper, blah, blah fecking blah. Anyway this ‘copper’ threw me a right curve ball, 

Have you been in the Village Centre?

Yes, most days to use the facilities and cafe.

Did you know there are showers in there?

No, there’s no shower in the gents.

Yes there is.


Yes, but not the facilities the public use, if you want to use the shower or washing machine come down to the Police Office in the Centre and you are welcome to use our staff toilet, shower and washing machine, if we aren’t busy you’ll probably get a brew.


She could of blown me over, never in all the years I’ve lived in vans have I ever heard anything like it. Perhaps my cynical side might have to change about welfare visits.


Anyway, like buses, you wait a lifetime for one and two come at the same time. 

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This morning I went for a look-see, there are 7 coppers who work from this satellite office, I’ve only meet the lady who knocked my van yet the sergeant who opened the hatch greeted me with, good morning, you must be Simon, so much for being incognito! Anyway, he was sound, showed me where everything was and left me to it. On the way out I get chatting to two of them, one asks, where do you normally get a shower, to which I replied, in my van, he asked why I was using there’s then, quite obvious boss, if I use my shower I have to use my gas to heat the water, I have to find somewhere to replenish that water and somewhere to empty my grey water tank, much easier and cheaper to use yours, to which he replied, I like your logic. I’ll be back Friday morning to do my washing before I move on. Half jokingly and half seriously I said, I’d keep this to yourselves, he asked why, I said, you’ve a beautiful village, if people get wind that they can come here, get no hassle off the old bill and use your facilities for free you will be inundated with vans.


Just about on my way when Dave, first name terms already!, says, this any good to you?, it’s a solar usb charger/power bank, yes please I’ll give that a go. What a brilliant piece of kit, why haven’t I had one of these before!?

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