Mental health and wellbeing

[skyhuck]

Social media paints a false picture of people having perfect lives, which makes people who can't see it for the lies it is feel inadequate.

[Moose McAlpine]

6 hours ago, Ian Flatters said:

But I guess my question is more of because men do find it hard to talk and most of us have had bad days, weeks, months. Do you think this would help you as a business owner or an employee?

 

I think partly men do find it hard to talk about their feelings and what's troubling them, and it's also an element of toxic masculinity.

 

Men are conditioned to be tough, strong and silent, show no weakness. It's what society expects and as such many can't talk about their emotions or problems for fear of being branded a nancy, a pussy, or whatever by their peers. Even among groups of friends, no-one wants to be ripped into by all their mates over their emotions so they keep it bottled up. It's a huge contributing factor to suicide in young men, they struggle to deal with these problems until it takes over and they escape by ending it all.

 

So yes, i think it's very beneficial. Often, due to fear of ridicule, it's much easier to talk to a stranger about such issues, no judgement.

 

I think it's great that you have that in place for your staff.

 

3 hours ago, Mick Dempsey said:

If you’re just having a bad day and things are getting on top of you, can’t cope etc. Then have a drink, phone a mate, pull yourself together, life is bloody awful sometimes, get used to it.

 

Ok, don't take this personally Mick, but i think this is a prime example of a lack of understanding of these issues. And most likely because it's not something you've experienced in the way that some do. Everyone's psyche is different, some cope well under stress and pressure, some don't. For many it's not "having a bad day" it's an actual ongoing problem where it feels like your mind is tearing itself apart.

 

Telling someone who is struggling with stress, anxiety or depression to "pull yourself together" won't help them. It will often push them further into their issue as it's like calling them weak. If they could just pull themself together and get over it they would.

 

And yes, you're right, sometimes life is shit. However, everyone deals with it differently and some need a different kind of emotional support through it.

 

3 hours ago, Mick Dempsey said:

But I do believe that lots of peeps jump on the MH bandwagon when they should understand that life is light and shade, that low periods are just part of the experience.

 

Well that's certainly true, some people do love to cry depression when really they're just unhappy with something and don't know what depression really is, or how it actually feels.

 

2 hours ago, David Cropper said:

I come from the generation were being sensitive was seen as a fault,  get a grip, man up, don't be a girl etc. That works for some but not everyone.

 

This is exactly the problem, and my generation is the kind of transitional period where all of that started to phase out slightly and male emotions have become more "accepted" in society. There will always be an element of toxic masculinity and many men will still suffer but having people to talk to without judgement is become more common.

 

 

In the interest of honesty and full disclosure, i've had issues with anxiety, stress, depression and insomnia for years. I've contemplated suicide for a long time, and once attempted it. (unsuccessfully, obviously.) I'm fortunate that now i have a couple of very good friends that i can talk to about my issues, my feelings and my secrets without fear or being judged or ridiculed. I wish more people had friends like that.

 

 

Edit: 

 

A part of the problem here is that where everyone's psyche is different it's hard to understand and relate to some issues. If you're not prone to stress/depression/anxiety and have never eexperienced it then you won't understand how it feels and its effect.

 

I've read many times someone talking about a suicide and saying it's "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" which really shows their lack of understanding.

 

Depression feels like an inescspable bottomless pit. Telling someone "it'll get better" is as useless as lipstick on a pig, they need a different kind of help and support. If you've never felt like you want to kill yourself, you will never understand how it feels.

 

 

I'm not writing this for a reaction or sympathy, it's just an insight, my perspective and opinion on the subject.

Edited July 6, 2021 by Moose McAlpine

[Steve Bullman]

23 minutes ago, Moose McAlpine said:

 

I think partly men do find it hard to talk about their feelings and what's troubling them, and it's also an element of toxic masculinity.

 

Men are conditioned to be tough, strong and silent, show no weakness. It's what society expects and as such many can't talk about their emotions or problems for fear of being branded a nancy, a pussy, or whatever by their peers. Even among groups of friends, no-one wants to be ripped into by all their mates over their emotions so they keep it bottled up. It's a huge contributing factor to suicide in young men, they struggle to deal with these problems until it takes over and they escape by ending it all.

 

So yes, i think it's very beneficial. Often, due to fear of ridicule, it's much easier to talk to a stranger about such issues, no judgement.

 

I think it's great that you have that in place for your staff.

 

 

Ok, don't take this personally Mick, but i think this is a prime example of a lack of understanding of these issues. And most likely because it's not something you've experienced in the way that some do. Everyone's psyche is different, some cope well under stress and pressure, some don't. For many it's not "having a bad day" it's an actual ongoing problem where it feels like your mind is tearing itself apart.

 

Telling someone who is struggling with stress, anxiety or depression to "pull yourself together" won't help them. It will often push them further into their issue as it's like calling them weak. If they could just pull themself together and get over it they would.

 

And yes, you're right, sometimes life is shit. However, everyone deals with it differently and some need a different kind of emotional support through it.

 

 

Well that's certainly true, some people do love to cry depression when really they're just unhappy with something and don't know what depression really is, or how it actually feels.

 

 

This is exactly the problem, and my generation is the kind of transitional period where all of that started to phase out slightly and male emotions have become more "accepted" in society. There will always be an element of toxic masculinity and many men will still suffer but having people to talk to without judgement is become more common.

 

 

In the interest of honesty and full disclosure, i've had issues with anxiety, stress, depression and insomnia for years. I've contemplated suicide for a long time, and once attempted it. (unsuccessfully, obviously.) I'm fortunate that now i have a couple of very good friends that i can talk to about my issues, my feelings and my secrets without fear or being judged or ridiculed. I wish more people had friends like that.

 

 

Edit: 

 

A part of the problem here is that where everyone's psyche is different it's hard to understand and relate to some issues. If you're not prone to stress/depression/anxiety and have never eexperienced it then you won't understand how it feels and its effect.

 

I've read many times someone talking about a suicide and saying it's "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" which really shows their lack of understanding.

 

Depression feels like an inescspable bottomless pit. Telling someone "it'll get better" is as useless as lipstick on a pig, they need a different kind of help and support. If you've never felt like you want to kill yourself, you will never understand how it feels.

 

 

I'm not writing this for a reaction or sympathy, it's just an insight, my perspective and opinion on the subject.

Out of interest, what exactly is your definition of ‘toxic’ masculinity?

[skyhuck]

I know things have changed and men can now talk about their feeling, but I don't think suicide rates have reduced. Does taking actually help?

[Moose McAlpine]

16 minutes ago, Steve Bullman said:

Out of interest, what exactly is your definition of ‘toxic’ masculinity?

 

Basically this idea that men need to be (emotionally) strong, tough, show no emotion, can't get upset by stuff or be affected emotionally by issues or adversity. Mocking them for such things.

 

I imagine toxic masculinity is defined differently elsewhere, it's just my name for the cultural attitude towards men's emotions and how they need to be bottled up and hidden for fear of appearing weak.

 

(I probably havent explained that very well.)

 

I should add, that often this is among men. So in a group of friends, one can't talk about their feelings, for fear of being ridiculed within the group. Society as a whole contribute to this issue, but i feel it's mostly an issue among men.

Edited July 6, 2021 by Moose McAlpine

[Moose McAlpine]

6 minutes ago, skyhuck said:

I know things have changed and men can now talk about their feeling, but I don't think suicide rates have reduced. Does taking actually help?

 

I think some men can and it's on the increase but better access to proper professional help for those that really need it, and less stigma or anxiety towards actually seeking it is still a work in progress.

 

Talking does help, but it needs to go both ways. Sometimes someone just listening helps, but in many cases people need help in finding a way to deal with or overcome their issues. That is where talking alone stops helping and further support from a professional is needed.

 

But ultimately talking and support from friends is definitely the first step and will stop many issues from getting worse.

[topchippyles]

3 hours ago, Mick Dempsey said:

Personally I think if you’ve really gone mental, you know throwing your own shit at people in the shopping mall, fair enough.

 

If you’re just having a bad day and things are getting on top of you, can’t cope etc. Then have a drink, phone a mate, pull yourself together, life is bloody awful sometimes, get used to it.

 

 

So all these people who take their own lives should get pissed and phone a mate (Get a grip mick) Mental health issues can crush the best of people.

[skyhuck]

2 minutes ago, topchippyles said:

So all these people who take their own lives should get pissed and phone a mate (Get a grip mick) Mental health issues can crush the best of people.

What evidence do you have that getting pissed and ringing a mate would not help?

 

Its well known that the only time most blokes (well northern blokes) show their mates anything near affection is when they are pissed.

[Joe Newton]

19 minutes ago, skyhuck said:

I know things have changed and men can now talk about their feeling, but I don't think suicide rates have reduced. Does taking actually help?

Seriously?

[skyhuck]

Just now, Joe Newton said:

Seriously?

So now you are trying to shame me for my honesty?

 

I can honestly say I have never felt the need to talk about my mental health with anyone, we are not all alike.