Billhook

Never seen anyone with pricks on their balls before! If you make a little right angled triangle with the base and height the same length, the angles on the hypotenuse must be 45 degrees So if you walk away from the tree until the hypotenuse lines up from your eye to the top of the tree then the vertical height must always be the same as your distance from the tree (plus your own height to eye level) May need to put a small spirit level on the base line to help you keep it level

A lot of people make a lot of money selling fresh air!

Covids are indeed very smart. I learnt the other day that they can recognise human faces as well. There was a story about people who'd caught crows to ID tag them, they were mobbed and squawked at forever after by those particular crows. The next generation has been told as well!

They tried that s few million years ago but found that they had a much quicker result by developing claws, teeth and fast feet! When they caught the Zebras with their nets they found that they had no teeth with which to eat them I'm talking!

Understatement Stubby! They have far more neurons/square inch and their brains are a match for chimps. When chimps seem to be intelligent by poking a stick down a hole to bring up a termite, they did not imagine the tool they needed but really achieved the result by playful messing about and then learning and copying. Corvids when put in a cage with a glass jar with a bucket of meat in it that cannot be reached with their beak, can use abstract thought to imagine the tool they need so when a straight piece of wire was placed in the cage the crows picked it up and bent it into a hook around its feet, to hook the bucket of meat out of the jar. The scientists were so amazed by this that they tried the same with a different crow and this one made the hook by bending it in the bars of the cage. They also filled a jar with water and the reward was just floating out of reach. They placed some stones in the cage and the crows worked out how to bring the bucket up by filling the jar with stones, something apparently that most human children cannot work out until they are over 5.

I thought that this was interesting and informative

There are also numerous Richard Heads and Richard/ Roger/ Rodney Sole or Souls in the phone book from thoughtless parents!

Throw away the moisture meters and buy some Fairy Liquid! At 1.25 demonstration.

Perhaps go for a cheap padlock and standard door and hinges but when door is forced opened it sprays indelible bright orange paint on them

We had about thirty student archaeologists camping on a lawn next to a grass field which had a brand new wooden gate. I left the students at about midnight to continue their BBQ so I bet none went to tent before one and a lad in the village was off to work at seven and he noticed the gate was missing ( luckily the five cattle were still there) I had welded a nut to the top of the crooks to make it difficult for removal but they cut through it with a battery disc grinder and nobody heard a thing the nearest tent was 50 yards away Mind you the Batemans beer around here is a fairly good sedative! But even after removing it they had to load it in the dark which is not easy without making a noise.

What you need is a shallow pit dug all around the container and fill with quick setting glue in sealed thin packets. cover with astroturf , make sure you remember to take your draw bridge each time. Hopefully you should come along one day to find them caught like rats in one of those sticky traps!

I cannot understand why people spend so much time hand stacking logs when there is so much machinery available to make it unnecessary. In America it seems to be a signal of your firewood credentials to everyone to have an immaculate cord stacked in full view. I put mine in 6x4x3 old potato boxes which are rejects from the big farmers as they may have a couple of boards missing or are becoming a bit ragged. Each box holds 72 cubic feet or about 2000 litres or a bit over half a cord at 0.56 cord. In an open fronted shed and stacked as they fall from the elevator and ventilated by open slats in the boxes and the boxes themselves having air flow all around them, they seem to dry well stacked three high. Armed with a Palax processor which cost £2500 second hand in 1996 , and a Matbro 270 teleporter which cost £7000 in 2010, I find that I have a system which takes a lot of the hard work out of firewood. I do not touch the wood again after the Palax until I take it out of the box which I have parked in front of my conservatory with the Matbro. Three paces from the Aarrow Stratford stove. It may seem expensive to lay out this money but over 25 years the Palax has cost £100 /annum and the Matbro about £700/annum but it does all the farming jobs as well. I hate to think what my labour would cost at £15/hour stacking firewood by hand over 25 years! Let alone the medical bill Neither the Matbro or the Palax has cost me anything in all these years.. The Matbro is invaluable in the woods working on my own and dealing with hung trees or guiding them to fall where I wish. and of course bring them back to the yard. The other helpful thing about boxes is that you have a ready prepared quantity of firewood if somebody wants to buy a box.

Banzai!!!

magnetic stick . I sit here now uncorrected Stubby! On reflection, many of the cases are very old and I suspect any iron plated ones do not last long in the soil, maybe that was the purpose of them. Certainly brass gives a short sharp blip in the headphones and has a high number to match, but iron gives more of a blurred lower note with a lower number on the scale. Do you know when they started to change to steel plated ones?

I sit here corrected, as usual!

Yes the lead shot is negligible but the real pain are the brass cartridge caps. The old ones had cardboard tubes which rotted and left a coin sized piece with writing. I remember finding my first one with my first detector. Blimey, I thought, 12th century and King Eley!

I know, I know. All these threads would be easier if people stopped having a sense of humour failure!

Bbbbbbbbbut, you told me to shut up Stubby! So you must give a Flying F! I am now feeling cancelled all because I wanted to award you a silver star!

Interesting, the archaeologists said nothing about Devon. I will put it to them, but I think they were probably going on continental research or maybe even Roman research as we are talking early fifth century here, just after the Romans left.

He is still well and active in arb work I hope?

You are still a bit behind Mendiplogs!

I see that Stubby has a content count of 24,220. Will Steve be issuing a silver medal when he reaches 25,000? I am sure that many would subscribe!

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Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment. Furious film fan and part-time plus-size XXXL model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the 'Ink It Good' Tattoo Emporium in Wellgate, Yorkshire last week, to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur. Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story. “It was a big job in more ways than one.” he told us “I’d just lit a roll-up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It’s delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston’s whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what’s happening, there’s a flame shooting from her arse to my fag and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire.” Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework. “To be honest”, said Jason, “I didn’t even realise she was wearing one. You’d need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I’d have been none the wiser.” Jason and Tracey were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame. “I’m furious” said Jason, “I’ve got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow’s not there any more. I don’t know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind would be more appropriate. You don’t just let rip in someone’s face like that. It’s dangerous.” But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant; “I’m still in agony,” she said, “and Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn’t have had a fag on the go when he's doing close up work, there’s no way I’d guff on purpose. He’d had me on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that I give him my five-second warning, and I’d have done the same for Jason, but I didn’t get chance – it just quietly crept out.” Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn’t surprised when we asked him to comment on what had happened “People just don’t appreciate the dangers.“ he told us, “We get more call outs to flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days now that people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan ‘Flame ‘n fart – keep ’em apart’. Anyone engaging in an arse-inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future.” On behalf of the entire Fire and Rescue service, we wish them both a swift recovery