sean

25th June Been a bit quiet here really. There have been quite a few of the 'veterans' leaving and a whole new intake of patients who on the whole are on bed rest so not too many of them out and about. George has finally left also, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake, oblivious to it all as usual. The postponed trip to the sports shop (see previous post) finally took place which meant i could finally buy some new footwear. My feet which are normally a size 10 have swollen so much that i am now looking at size 12's. Being a 6 ft 1 able bodied person I had trouble seeing all the footwear on offer at these establishments due to the shelves reaching to the heavens in order to cram as much stock into the place as possible. Now wheelchair bound I could actually see approximately 5% of the trainers on offer. For the next half an hour i took on the role of Andy in 'Little Britain', craning my neck, pointing a lot saying 'that one, I want that one, that one there, no not that one, I want that one'. The only difference between myself and Andy is that I did not get out of the wheelchair as soon as Susi's back had turned. Shame. So trainers were fetched, 'that one' did not come in my size. 'What about these ones?' Susi asked. 'No they have to be running shoes' I answered. Im sure the assistant thought i was having a laugh at his expense as the look on his face was a little confused. "I know" I said to him. "Its not as if I will be doing any flicking running is it?". Oh how we all laughed. We finally found a style I liked in a size 12 which still came up too bloody small and that was that, call the mission off. And so we walked and wheeled out of the shop clutching a brand new pair of sod all. I've been into town now, on the bus and everything. That was an experience which unfortunately will have to be repeated at some point. Having waited until everybody had boarded the bus I then had to wait for the driver to get the ramp out so I could get on. Wheeling onto the bus was probably the most self conscious I had ever been. The whole of the lower deck, facing forwards, 40 plus eyes looking at me, the guy in the wheelchair holding everybody up. Parking in my allocated spot proved somewhat problematic as I had to negotiate a myriad of OAP's shopping bags on the floor. I'm sure Mrs Doddery will once again curse me when she gets home to find I've run over and completely ruined her baps. (Snigger snigger). The problems a wheelchair user had to face quickly became apparent once I had disembarked and I took my first tentative 'steps' into the big wide world. (It's hard to get away from using the vernacular language associated with my legs.). The hospital with its emphasis on wheelchair use quite quickly became a distant memory as I bounced over cobbles, cracks in the pavement, the high curbs, all conspired to shake me to the core, the lack of suspension on the chair increasing the force 10 fold ensuring my fragile bones danced a not so merry dance to the tune of 'shake, rattle and roll'. We went to look at a bungalow in Bristol a couple of weeks ago with the Occupational Therapists from the unit here who would determine whether it was suitable or not. The property was owned by a spinal charity and it was currently vacant and therefore ours to have for a temporary period. Looking around that property was a massive dose of reality served cold. Everything inside was brand new and specific to a disabled persons needs. The sockets are at wheelchair height, the cupboards had levers which when pulled would open the cupboards and the shelves would descend to a suitable height. The cooker and sink could be adjusted to various heights to suit both able bodied and disabled needs. It was pointed out to Jasper by me that as the sink could be adjusted to his height he could no longer use the excuse of not being tall enough to enable him to do the washing up. On the ball as usual in front of the Occupation Therapists and the lady from the spinal charity he questioned this logic with the words, "Umm I thought the idea was that you had to be independent." I really have no idea where he gets his smart arse genes from. Anyway the bungalow was deemed suitable and we will probably take it. It is not an ideal but at least it is in Bristol and we will see it as the next stage of rehab and give us time to decide what we want to do long term. This post would not be complete without an unfortunate trouser incident and I know all those who read these posts wait on tenterhooks to find out the level of embarrassment I have reached. Well unlucky because I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of having a laugh at my expense. And anyway there's nothing to tell. Sorry? What's that? Tell them about the wheelie incident instead? Bloody hell can I not have a single post without being laughed at? Okay here we go. So I finally managed to have my 'stabilisers' raised so I could get up bigger kerbs in assisted. This meant also that I could learn how to do a good wheelie. After only an hour or so I had mastered it. I had a couple of close calls, of course I did but due to the stabilisers still being in situ albeit higher I was saved from falling backwards. In due course I was able to hold a wheelie for any amount of time by holding on to the wheels and making fine adjustments. And so the time had come at last when Dad could show his small son how super cool and down with the kids he was. Alone in my room with Jasper at last I took my opportunity. "Hey Jasper, look how good I am at wheelies now" I said. As he looked my way I grabbed my wheels to wheelie like I've never wheelie before. The front of the chair came up and completely tipped backwards. My head smashed against the door and I ended up looking at the ceiling, still sat in the chair with my legs in the air. Poor Jasper looked at me with what I can only describe as concern and sheer bloody pity. Before I knew it Susi was at the door. She had been out in the garden rustling up bacon sandwiches along with the wife of another patient. She was half way through cooking some bacon when suddenly she had an urge to come and see if I was alright. Just as she was nearing my room she heard a crash closely followed by an aargh and on looking through my door window saw me propped up against it. Now, this sudden thought to come and see me I can only attribute to a premonition probably based on the fact that she knows what an idiot I can be. Anyway, to cut a humiliating story short, I only suffered a bruised elbow but unfortunately my pride took one hell of a battering as I was hoisted from the floor and dumped unceremoniously back in to my chair. Having enquired if I was ok the only other words of comfort Jasper could muster were "don't do that again Dad". Ok son I will.

Today I received 2 cheques. Total received was £200. I cannot thank all those involved enough. Thank you to all those who contributed to this collection and special thanks to Mendip and Jonesie for making it possible.. The money will be paid into my support fund to be used for specialist equipment as needed. Thanks so much again Sean and family:thumbup:

Dusk in rehab

These guys take chip. I haven't used them for a while but my be worth calling them and speak to head green keeper. Easy access too. Bristol Golf Club | Located in Almondsbury

Wow. Amazing. I feel so humbled by everybodies generosity. My support fund has been overwhelming and now this. On behalf of myself and my family I thank you all for all your help, not just financially but for all your kind words and support. Thank you all so much. I look forward to being at the Arb Show next year so I can thank a lot of you personally and share a drink or two.

6th June The sun is shining and I'm feeling fresh. Had a shower albeit in a shower chair and I have some nice choons playing. I await the arrival of family and friends. Life couldn't be better. Stop. Whoa. Rewind. Of course life could be better but hey ho this is it and it could be a damn sight worse. I'm alright. I have my amazing family and friends around me, I have music that I can hear, some less fortunate than me cannot enjoy music as I can. I can see the trees from my window, others cannot. I can hold a pint unlike some of my friends here who can only dream of doing so. I'm lucky. In many many ways. I have an approximate release, I mean discharge date. 27th June. Bloody scary as here I am in a safety bubble. Everything is geared to making things easy. On the outside it is not. Many obstacles to overcome. Like avoiding all the dog **** on the pavements. It's bad enough getting it on your bike tyres but getting it on your wheelchair wheels means getting it on your hands.... Not nice. Think I will probably turn into one of those characters on the Fast Show. There I will be in my anorak, going around Bristol, photographing all the hazards, the broken slabs etc and constantly on the phone moaning to the council. At council meetings I will be the one at the end always having the final say. " Are the council going to do anything about the mesh fence that protrudes into the footpath that prevents the less able bodied from getting to the newsagents to buy their copy of 'Victorian Street Furniture Weekly?". Umm maybe not. Bloody jinxed it haven't I!! Dark clouds up above and the sun has done a runner. Oh well still got the choons. Xxx

That's very kind of you to say so. Thank you.

Garden at the Spinal Centre in tester days sunshine. Featuring the fantastic Oak spinal sculptures by JohnnybWoodford

Oak Tree, Richmond Park

Thanks Lads. Geoff, I have been photographing the glimpses of the trees and landscape (glimpses of nature) from within the corridors.

1st June The last few weeks have been as usual full of ups and downs.The brace i am wearing is driving me nuts. Not only does it make me sweat profusely it also makes my broken ribs hurt more but it also digs in and gives me a back ache. Physiotherapy is also being effected by my wearing of the brace. We have gone as far as we can until the brace is off as I am unable to twist or bend. Last week I thought the day had finally come as the Dr told me that it had been 12 weeks since the accident and the Xray showed that there had been no movement with the pins and rods etc. The following morning I had breakfast sitting up for the first time in 12 weeks which was pure bliss. Eating laying down is not enjoyable especially when trying to get a spoonful of Cornflakes in your mouth without covering yourself in milk. After so long with the brace on sitting in the chair without it was weird. I almost felt naked.Very odd. Enjoying my new found freedom I whizzed around the ward unhindered at last. Until......I heard my name being called from down the corridor. It was my Dr, who informed me that they had got the sums wrong and it was not to come off for another week. I looked at him mortified. "You cant do that to me, thats torture!" I said to him. Well it turns out that they could do that to me and on it went once again. To say I was gutted would be an understatement. On it went and it will finally come off this week. At least i got a taster of what life will be like without it. I cannot wait. I make myself jump when I fart. No I really do. Because i have no feeling i have no idea when the deed is to be done. This can often take me by surprise and indeed it has been known to make me jump. When there have been people in the room I have actually looked at them accusingly or asked if they did it. I'm sure those around me are blaming me for their own indiscretions as i did when i blamed the dog as a kid. Im getting frustrated at the amount of time I have to stay in bed. Not because I am on bed rest but because of the staffing levels I lay in bed waiting to get up in the morning. I usually get woken at around 7.30am for breakfast. On average I am not out of bed until 11am. In between I have had bowels done and a wash but quite often I lay there waiting for somebody. One of the other patients worked it out that he is essentially spending nearly 2 full working days laying in bed waiting to get up. I am not too far behind this figure. Its very easy to get really pissed off and take out your frustrations out on the staff but it is not their fault. its the age old issue of budgets and lack of manpower. Being in here has been a real eye opener. Having not spent any time in hospital before I didn't know first hand the problems reported within the NHS. There are serious issues which need to be addressed. I could go on and on about the things I have witnessed but to be honest I really cannot be bothered but I do genuinely feel for the nurses who work so hard in the face of so many problems. It is them who are confronted by frustrated and angry patients. One thing I will say however is that I am astonished at the level of English that some of the foreign nurses are at. I am quite a patient person (stop laughing) but I can completely understand the frustrations of the patients who struggle on a daily basis to get themselves understood. Again it is not the nurses fault. It is the fault of the system which is responsible for employing people from Africa, Italy, Asia etc. The English of a few of the foreign nurses is very very basic and certainly not at a level one would expect to see. I do not have a problem with people coming to England to work, in fact I relish the different cultures that are on my ward as it makes for some interesting conversations. Last week there was a friends and family day on the ward. Nothing spectacular, just a buffet. Unfortunately trying to squeeze so many wheelchairs coupled with completely inept drivers proved to be a bit of a nightmare. There were people slamming their electric wheelchair into reverse without looking, slamming into another chair whose driver only had eyes for sausage rolls so was unable to swerve out of the way. The able bodied amongst the group were nearly rendered disabled themselves having been the victim of Mrs Grayson driving into the back their legs at full speed as she tried to negotiate George (Name changed) who was just going round and round and round and round. George. Bloody hell he's a card. I have sat watching him in his wheelchair as he had a head on collision with the Nurses main desk as he tried once again to avoid absolutely nothing. Watching him negotiate his way to the water cooler is something else. Tables will be dragged behind him as he has managed to hook himself to one of the legs. Chairs are pushed around the room as he completes his 42 point turn. Its like watching a barge sailing on a stream. He will do 2 laps around the ward daily but unfortunately holds onto the wheels as he pushes forward meaning he is going nowhere slowly. Bless him. I have tried to explain to him how to conserve energy whilst at the same time getting maximum power but it falls on death ears. BTW George is convinced that we are all being filmed and the ward is bugged. "Like Watergate in the Seventies" he will tell people as he shuffles past them. We had an incident last week. Not in the hospital but in the car park of the shopping centre. I had promised jasper that we would go and get him a new pair of football boots. Off we went to the shopping centre. Being in a car btw with no control of ones legs is a bit strange. They do not stay where you want them to. One leg will flop to the left whilst the other will fall in the opposite direction. You bring your knees together, let go and off they go again. The only way I could solve the situation was by tying my legs together with a scarf! Anyway, there we were in the car park. I transferred from the front seat to the wheelchair only to find i had had an accident. One of the major parts of my rehab is bowel management. A person with an injury such as mine has no control of their bowels. There is NO feeling. Although the nurse carries out my bowel management in the morning unfortunately until a proper routine is established and my body has become accustomed to it there will invariably be what is termed as 'leaks'. Unfortunately for us, in the car park of the shopping centre I had one. I felt anger, I felt shame, i felt upset. What i didn't want to do was show Jasper all of these things. I put myself in his position, looking at his Dad, the guy he idolises, **** his pants in front of not just him but quite possibly other people too. If i was him I would probably have been standing there thinking to myself, theres no way Im ever going out with Dad when my mates are around. His reaction when told that we would have to go straight back to hospital minus said boots was not the greatest but kind of understandable. To show him that sometimes one has to think of others before yourself I decided to sit in my mess for 10 minutes to enable him to look for some boots. As it happens they didn't have radioactive il luminous green and pink ones so back to the hospital we went. Back at the hospital a covert operation commenced in order to get me inside and cleaned up without anybody else knowing, thus saving me a lot more embarrassment. It shouldn't be a problem as all the staff are obviously use to it and to be fair I can talk openly about it but it was Susi who went out of her way to spare my blushes. Off she went and then returned with pads to prevent the wheelchair from getting too dirty. Once in my room she proceeded to get me spick and span again. I know she has had 3 kids and dealt with all their mess over the years but it cannot be easy seeing the man you love and worship (ha ha) and consequently clearing up after him. But clean up she did once again. Taking my soiled clothing off she then washed and dressed me. I was as good as new once again. I am so lucky to have her by my side. She has been with me every step of the way. Cleaning me....dealing with the crap (literally) and taking the crap (metaphorically) when I am in pain or frustrated. She has held my hand, reassured me, cleaned me, fed me, driven mile after mile to be with me. She makes sure I am looked after by the nurses. She will ask question after question to ensure i am getting the care and attention i need. I am guilty of thinking I am the only one suffering at times. Yes I am the one that has been paralysed, I am the one in pain. But she is in pain too, as are the kids, as are all those around me. All our lives have been effected by this. All our lives are upside down. We are all in this together and all look forward to the day when there is some sort of normality back in our lives. Not sure how much longer I will be here. I think the way things are going it be will around the end of July. Although I cannot wait to get out it also fills me with apprehension. This is a spinal unit, it is a big safety bubble. Everything is designed for the use of wheel chairs. There are nurses who are at the end of a buzzer to cater for your needs. (Even if it could be buzzing for bloody ages until somebody comes. Mostly through no fault of their own but i have sat listening to certain members gossiping about god knows what whilst buzzer after buzzer goes off). The big outside is where all the work will start. It won't be long now although it seems an age away. Lots of work to do between now and then however.

Happy Birthday mate. May the next 40 be filled with love peace and happiness! Thanks for all your support these last couple of months

So I'm thinking about designing my eco friendly wheel chair. I'm wondering if I can run it on my own pee? I have to insert a catheter and urinate into an attached bag. I'm thinking that I could have a hose going straight from my bladder to a tank and run the wheel chair on urine. Thoughts please Self Portrait

Thanks once again for all your comments, ideas, links etc. they are really appreciated:thumbup: Trees have always been sacred to me but never more so than now. Trees that due to size and health might have once been overlooked by myself or indeed condemned by me or other surveyors are now precious, all helping in their own way to aid my healing within this clinical environment.

Thanks for all your support and kind words, links, videos etc. with me all the way and it is much appreciated

13th May Its been a pretty uneventful week in the hospital. Uneventful for me at least i guess. Oh yes there was one incident where I took a bit of a stumble in the gym.You lot will not want to hear about that though will you? Why would you want to hear about me making a fool of myself? Thought so. Oh alright then i'll tell you, but only because i need to get it out there, into the ether, let it go so i can move on from what was quite frankly bloody embarrassing! I was doing my daily 20 minute stand in the standing frame when my Physiotherapist said that she would have to go and would i be alright getting myself out of the frame and back in the chair? Of course I will, I know what i'm doing plus Ive got Susi here to help me. It will all be fine, you run along and leave me to it. A brief explanation about the standing frame. Without drawing diagrams or showing pictures, the standing frame is essentially like a lectern with a few additional supports, bars etc. It has 3 leather straps two of which go behind your ankles and backside and one goes in front just below the knees.Thats it really, not much to it. The straps obviously prevent you falling backwards and your knees from buckling. "Right tell me what I need to do" said Susi. It was at this point that i had my doubts whether I could remember any particular sequence with regards the unstrapping or indeed whether all of them should be undone to enable me to sit back in my chair safely. Not being one to admit that perhaps i may have been wrong in saying I knew what I was doing with an air of confidence I told her to "take them all off". She may or may not have questioned this decision, that I cannot remember but off they all came. As a result as soon as I went to sit back my knees buckled with nothing to support them and I was left clinging on to the edge of the frame. I was stuck. Couldn't go up, couldn't go down. Just clinging on to the cliff face like a suicidal kitten that had changed its mind. It took Susi and another Physiotherapist to get me lifted back to a standing position and the front knee strap put back into place. It was this strap that I had my doubts about but was too arrogant to admit to and I paid the price. Luckily there was know damage except to my pride and my ego as there was a number of other people in the gym who all witnessed this catastrophic event. The Physiotherapist then told me that she would have to inform my Doctor just in case. "It's ok i told her, its all fine, no damage, nothing to report". "Procedure" she said. She then asked me my name. "Graham" said I with a sheepish smile. Graham is an old boy on the ward. Well I couldnt have the doc thinking that i stumbled like an idiot could I? So as i said, an eventful week. Same old same old really apart from that. General Physio, workshops, education programmes. Getting used to the catheter which to be honest isn't as difficult as i thought it might be. The only time that it is difficult is the early morning when I am woken at 5 or 6am. Still half asleep, squinting through half closed eyes it is like trying to insert a pencil through the eye of a needle. As i've said before its times like this I am glad I have no feeling there. And so we come to Monday. The big day. Escape day!! Months of careful planning. The studying of plans, diagrams and maps had finally reached fruition. The day had come. There could be no turning back. It was to be today or never. In reality it was one text message and a phone call and we could have done it on any other day but come on, there's not much excitement here so give me a little creative license. So, the big day. Final checks. Wheelchair to car transfer board. Check. Spare catheter and other medical supplies. Check. Cider. Check. Whisky. Check. And so off we went, the three amigos (Well two and an Amiga). Myself, Susi and Morgan were heading for 'The Great Yews'. A collection of Ancient Yew trees on the Earl of Longford's country estate,not too far from the hospital it turns out so happy days! As soon as we turned out of the hospital the senery changed. In front of me was a tree and hedgerow lined road, flushes of green against a bright blue sky, the sun filtering through the canopies of trees. Already i was beginning to feel energised. I knew this trip would be part of my healing, therefore it was medicinal, therefore bollox if i got told off. It would be worth it and after all at the end of the day I'm a grown man and I can do what I like. So there. After a lovely drive around part part of the estate due to not knowing where we were going we arrived at the Yews. The energy of the place hit you as soon as soon as you stepped out of the car. Or in my case as soon as you scrabbled from car to chair, trousers falling down with my bare arse out for all to see which in my case luckily comprised only of Morgan and Susi who have seen it on a regular basis lately. To be amongst old trees again felt so good. Prior to my accident it was where i spent a lot of my time. To be amongst this amount of old Yew trees was something else. These were probably about 500 years old and there were a lot of them. They were all lapsed pollards, possibly planted for the production of long bows? I will have to do some historical research to find out. Yews are a powerful tree. As a lone standing tree they have been revered and used for thousands of years and they remain one of our most sacred and long lived tree species. The thing is i knew prior to coming here how difficult this trip would be for me. Like everything I encounter at the moment it would present its own obstacles and difficulties juxtaposed with all that is positive about it. Before my accident i would be scrabbling around the undergrowth to take a look at a particular fungi or to examine a piece of deadwood that may have caught my eye. Obviously this was not possible for me, not today at least. A lot of the Yews limbs had 'layered'. That is they had grown away from their trunk and then bent down until contact with the ground was made where they would then take root. The branches formed arches which i was unable to get under due to being sat in a wheelchair and they were too low for me to get under. I watched Susi and Morgan walking in places that obviously could not. It would have been very easy for me to get frustrated which in turn would have darkened my mood and in turn the others whom i was with. I made a decision that I stay positive. I was in such a magical place with so much natural healing energy around me that it would have been futile to not take advantage of it and harness it for the benefit of my mental and physical being. Not only that but Morgan had put his reputation as a fine, honest and upstanding member of the community at stake to get me there. (Those who know Morgan i hope you haven't all spat your coffee out on reading that!) And so I put all negative feelings and thoughts to one side. I explored the woodlands as best i could, taking the wheelchair to places it wasn't designed to go. This gave me some hope for the future. I struggled, it was bloody hard work getting the chair to move, getting caught on brambles and pieces of deadwood but i managed to a degree to get about. If i could achieve this in this particular chair, designed for flat surfaces, who knows what i will achieve in a rough terrain wheel chair? It certainly wasn't how it used to be however. I'm a woodsmen, a tree man. I like to get amongst it, to scramble around the undergrowth looking at mosses and fungi, traipsing through hedges to check out a tree i had spied from afar. I would spot a tree from the bottom of a ravine or woodland slope and i would be up there in no time to look at it. Its a harsh reality that for all the advances in wheel chairs there is so much that i will not be able to do. It saddens me that a great part of my life has been wrenched from me. I had so many plans and projects in mind for the future based around walks and trees that i will not be able to do now. I know that i will still dedicate my life to trees however. Through my photography, my work with The Ancient Tree Hunt, campaigning for the protection of our nations treasures, education of children etc, I will still be involved. It will just be different. Right now i'm thinking if I cannot walk I will have to find other means of transport in my arboreal quest. I'm thinking a Kayak. You do not need legs to use one of those and our waterways are home to many species of old trees. It could be the answer. We stayed for an hour or so, drank a toast to health and the future and before too long it was time to return to the hospital. It was a wrench as i'm sure you can imagine. I dreaded going back but felt a new vitality plus added impetus to get fit and healthy and to get home as soon as possible. To enter the hospital once again was to enter a world a million miles away from where we had just come from, which in fact was only a couple. Two opposite ends of the spectrum. It seemed that one minute i was surrounded by beauty, immersed in the natural world, the next I was dropped back into this clinical sterile environment. I know where i want to be. Yesterday I had my first trip to on on the bus. That sounds like a statement a 5 year old would make. Anyway I will tell you about that another time. Peace x x

Today I left the hospital premises for the first time. Wasn't supposed to but sod it. I needed to get out and what better place to go. I went to a yew wood which comprised of lots of old lapsed yew pollards. Incredible place. Magical, powerful, inspirational. You can read all about it in a future post when I have written it and sorted all the photos. Thanks all again for continued support

Been awhile but here's one taken in the garden at the spinal unit today

What on earth is that all about?

That looks brilliant

I appreciate your sentiments and thank you.

Wow that's an amazing offer. I don't know what to say. I can't wait to tell my 17 children, they'll be so excited 😄 Seriously though thank you. Recuperation in the Alps sounds idyllic. I may well PM you at some point

'Fagus'

'Fagus'

Thanks mate. I will be in touch for sure.