Story at bedtime

[Mull]

Quite so my friend.

 

 

Life today lacks this insight.

[cornish wood burner]

Thanks Mull:thumbup:

 

No talent though, just a brain addled by woodland solitude and too much wood smoke!

 

Are you saying you are wasted in the wood. I thought those plants needed more light.

 

Definitely real talent there Mr I.

A smile has to be a good start to any day. Thanks

[geoff]

:biggrin:Dunno what they spilled in the village pond, but have a looksee if the ducks all swim backwards, & put a marker on your left eye, if it's on the right eye in your reflection in the pond you might be onto what's holding you back in life...

[Mr MEng]

That has set me up for the day with a smile and a chuckle.

 

TVI you are a literary genius.

[roboted]

Brilliant ...You sure it was woodsmoke

[Stefan Palokangas]

I enjoyed reading it all

[the village idiot]

Thanks for your kind words everyone:thumbup:

 

Here begins a truly epic tale in which a simple woodland dweller embarks on an epic journey of infinite peril, to avenge the wrongs inflicted through Witchcraft on a schizophrenic badger called Brian.

 

 

AN IDIOT ABROAD

 

Chapter 1: Brian the badger.

 

The Village Idiot woke one day

The trees were still, no creak or sway,

And not before he'd scratched his nadgers,

Did he note the pair of badgers.

 

One was white with wandering eyes,

The other black as midnight skies.

"Release the balls" said badger white,

"And hear thee well our desperate plight"

 

"We are Brian" said badger black,

"And over yonder some time back,

We were one, both pure and true,

Before the Witch split us in two."

 

"What did you do to incur her wrath?

She sounds like a total psychopath!"

"Nothing was said, and nothing done,

She just does things like this for fun!"

 

"We've travelled far to find the man,

The idiot child who folks say can

Slay ten Wizards upon one knee,

Before his morning cup of tea."

 

"Now this be a Witch, I'll not pretend

That breasts mean nowt to you my friend.

But spell she does under pointed hat,

And her chest is really rather flat!"

 

"Your tale fills me with heartfelt sorrow,

I will set out on this quest tomorrow.

Tell me now, and do not lie,

How does I this Witch come by?"

 

"First you must seek the windy frog

Who dwells within the stinking bog.

His wisdom trumps the mind of Yoda,

But he does emit a most foul odour."

 

"The frog will tell you where to go,

He's a surly bugger as you know.

Beyond this point we two know not.

The trip was long and we forgot."

 

"Fret not my new omnivorous friend,

This grave disgrace I shall amend.

The magic Hag of which you tell,

Has cast her last caniving spell!"

 

 

To be continued...

[sloth]

Great stuff

[geoff]

That had me smiling at a moment when I was struggling in quite the opposite frame of mind, thanks V.I.

[the village idiot]

Chapter 2: Dog Food the Wonderhorse.

 

 

After chatting with his friend 'Old Brock'

The idiot rested to take stock.

He knew he must avenge this deed

Against the harmless badger breed.

 

He began to gather up provisions,

Deciding not to make decisions.

So into his moleskin saddlebag

Went the following vital swag.

 

His trusty combat pantaloons,

A selection of his favourite spoons.

A double headed battleaxe

With blades encased in hessian sacks.

 

The handle from the bathroom door,

Vaseline for the saddle sore.

An old but working bat detector

And a flagon of potent Numpty's Nectar.

 

A purse of ancient Pagan runes,

A pack of mentholyptus Tunes.

And last of all the vital thing,

His crossbow with the rat-gut string.

 

With bags all packed he now felt able

To lock the door and approach the stable.

This was the home of his trusty steed,

A very singular horse indeed!

 

His name was Pedigree Chumpington Snort,

AKA 'Dog Food' for short.

Being a Shetland he lacked in height,

And at some time past he'd lost his sight!

 

Now Dog Food was slow, with a tendancy

To collide with every passing tree.

But loyal was he and stout of heart

The two were seldom seen apart.

 

"Hi Ho! Dog Food" exclaimed the rider

Swigging from his horn of cider.

"An epic trip we have in store."

Dog Food soiled the stable floor!

 

The thrilling adventure had begun.

A daring deed which must be done.

They headed for the forest fringes,

Relieving the front gate of it's hinges!

 

 

To be continued...