My accident

[sean]

1st June

 

The last few weeks have been as usual full of ups and downs.The brace i am wearing is driving me nuts. Not only does it make me sweat profusely it also makes my broken ribs hurt more but it also digs in and gives me a back ache. Physiotherapy is also being effected by my wearing of the brace. We have gone as far as we can until the brace is off as I am unable to twist or bend. Last week I thought the day had finally come as the Dr told me that it had been 12 weeks since the accident and the Xray showed that there had been no movement with the pins and rods etc. The following morning I had breakfast sitting up for the first time in 12 weeks which was pure bliss. Eating laying down is not enjoyable especially when trying to get a spoonful of Cornflakes in your mouth without covering yourself in milk. After so long with the brace on sitting in the chair without it was weird. I almost felt naked.Very odd. Enjoying my new found freedom I whizzed around the ward unhindered at last. Until......I heard my name being called from down the corridor. It was my Dr, who informed me that they had got the sums wrong and it was not to come off for another week. I looked at him mortified. "You cant do that to me, thats torture!" I said to him. Well it turns out that they could do that to me and on it went once again. To say I was gutted would be an understatement. On it went and it will finally come off this week. At least i got a taster of what life will be like without it. I cannot wait.

 

I make myself jump when I fart. No I really do. Because i have no feeling i have no idea when the deed is to be done. This can often take me by surprise and indeed it has been known to make me jump. When there have been people in the room I have actually looked at them accusingly or asked if they did it. I'm sure those around me are blaming me for their own indiscretions as i did when i blamed the dog as a kid.

 

Im getting frustrated at the amount of time I have to stay in bed. Not because I am on bed rest but because of the staffing levels I lay in bed waiting to get up in the morning. I usually get woken at around 7.30am for breakfast. On average I am not out of bed until 11am. In between I have had bowels done and a wash but quite often I lay there waiting for somebody. One of the other patients worked it out that he is essentially spending nearly 2 full working days laying in bed waiting to get up. I am not too far behind this figure. Its very easy to get really pissed off and take out your frustrations out on the staff but it is not their fault. its the age old issue of budgets and lack of manpower. Being in here has been a real eye opener. Having not spent any time in hospital before I didn't know first hand the problems reported within the NHS. There are serious issues which need to be addressed. I could go on and on about the things I have witnessed but to be honest I really cannot be bothered but I do genuinely feel for the nurses who work so hard in the face of so many problems. It is them who are confronted by frustrated and angry patients. One thing I will say however is that I am astonished at the level of English that some of the foreign nurses are at. I am quite a patient person (stop laughing) but I can completely understand the frustrations of the patients who struggle on a daily basis to get themselves understood. Again it is not the nurses fault. It is the fault of the system which is responsible for employing people from Africa, Italy, Asia etc. The English of a few of the foreign nurses is very very basic and certainly not at a level one would expect to see. I do not have a problem with people coming to England to work, in fact I relish the different cultures that are on my ward as it makes for some interesting conversations.

 

Last week there was a friends and family day on the ward. Nothing spectacular, just a buffet. Unfortunately trying to squeeze so many wheelchairs coupled with completely inept drivers proved to be a bit of a nightmare. There were people slamming their electric wheelchair into reverse without looking, slamming into another chair whose driver only had eyes for sausage rolls so was unable to swerve out of the way. The able bodied amongst the group were nearly rendered disabled themselves having been the victim of Mrs Grayson driving into the back their legs at full speed as she tried to negotiate George (Name changed) who was just going round and round and round and round. George. Bloody hell he's a card. I have sat watching him in his wheelchair as he had a head on collision with the Nurses main desk as he tried once again to avoid absolutely nothing. Watching him negotiate his way to the water cooler is something else. Tables will be dragged behind him as he has managed to hook himself to one of the legs. Chairs are pushed around the room as he completes his 42 point turn. Its like watching a barge sailing on a stream. He will do 2 laps around the ward daily but unfortunately holds onto the wheels as he pushes forward meaning he is going nowhere slowly. Bless him. I have tried to explain to him how to conserve energy whilst at the same time getting maximum power but it falls on death ears. BTW George is convinced that we are all being filmed and the ward is bugged. "Like Watergate in the Seventies" he will tell people as he shuffles past them.

 

We had an incident last week. Not in the hospital but in the car park of the shopping centre. I had promised jasper that we would go and get him a new pair of football boots. Off we went to the shopping centre. Being in a car btw with no control of ones legs is a bit strange. They do not stay where you want them to. One leg will flop to the left whilst the other will fall in the opposite direction. You bring your knees together, let go and off they go again. The only way I could solve the situation was by tying my legs together with a scarf! Anyway, there we were in the car park. I transferred from the front seat to the wheelchair only to find i had had an accident. One of the major parts of my rehab is bowel management. A person with an injury such as mine has no control of their bowels. There is NO feeling. Although the nurse carries out my bowel management in the morning unfortunately until a proper routine is established and my body has become accustomed to it there will invariably be what is termed as 'leaks'. Unfortunately for us, in the car park of the shopping centre I had one. I felt anger, I felt shame, i felt upset. What i didn't want to do was show Jasper all of these things. I put myself in his position, looking at his Dad, the guy he idolises, **** his pants in front of not just him but quite possibly other people too. If i was him I would probably have been standing there thinking to myself, theres no way Im ever going out with Dad when my mates are around. His reaction when told that we would have to go straight back to hospital minus said boots was not the greatest but kind of understandable. To show him that sometimes one has to think of others before yourself I decided to sit in my mess for 10 minutes to enable him to look for some boots. As it happens they didn't have radioactive il luminous green and pink ones so back to the hospital we went.

Back at the hospital a covert operation commenced in order to get me inside and cleaned up without anybody else knowing, thus saving me a lot more embarrassment. It shouldn't be a problem as all the staff are obviously use to it and to be fair I can talk openly about it but it was Susi who went out of her way to spare my blushes. Off she went and then returned with pads to prevent the wheelchair from getting too dirty. Once in my room she proceeded to get me spick and span again. I know she has had 3 kids and dealt with all their mess over the years but it cannot be easy seeing the man you love and worship (ha ha) and consequently clearing up after him. But clean up she did once again. Taking my soiled clothing off she then washed and dressed me. I was as good as new once again. I am so lucky to have her by my side. She has been with me every step of the way. Cleaning me....dealing with the crap (literally) and taking the crap (metaphorically) when I am in pain or frustrated. She has held my hand, reassured me, cleaned me, fed me, driven mile after mile to be with me. She makes sure I am looked after by the nurses. She will ask question after question to ensure i am getting the care and attention i need. I am guilty of thinking I am the only one suffering at times. Yes I am the one that has been paralysed, I am the one in pain. But she is in pain too, as are the kids, as are all those around me. All our lives have been effected by this. All our lives are upside down. We are all in this together and all look forward to the day when there is some sort of normality back in our lives.

 

Not sure how much longer I will be here. I think the way things are going it be will around the end of July. Although I cannot wait to get out it also fills me with apprehension. This is a spinal unit, it is a big safety bubble. Everything is designed for the use of wheel chairs. There are nurses who are at the end of a buzzer to cater for your needs. (Even if it could be buzzing for bloody ages until somebody comes. Mostly through no fault of their own but i have sat listening to certain members gossiping about god knows what whilst buzzer after buzzer goes off). The big outside is where all the work will start. It won't be long now although it seems an age away. Lots of work to do between now and then however.

[skc101fc]

Sean.

Reading your latest was such a roller coaster of emotion. Hope the docs see the need and give you an early release from the brace - even if only a day earlier will give a feeling of achievement and beating their timetables. Stay upright in the chair and watch out for the others. My bro uses a large elastic velcro strap to keep legs under control in car.

Wishing you well.

Shaun

[geoff]

Sean, the picture you have added is so poignant and in context with the words you have written, I had to show your post to my partner.

Both she and I are astounded at your ability to carry across such dignity in your portrayal of the situations you find yourself in.

 

You have something, I can't put a word to it, but it is in plain sight.

[mendiplogs]

1st June

 

The last few weeks have been as usual full of ups and downs.The brace i am wearing is driving me nuts. Not only does it make me sweat profusely it also makes my broken ribs hurt more but it also digs in and gives me a back ache. Physiotherapy is also being effected by my wearing of the brace. We have gone as far as we can until the brace is off as I am unable to twist or bend. Last week I thought the day had finally come as the Dr told me that it had been 12 weeks since the accident and the Xray showed that there had been no movement with the pins and rods etc. The following morning I had breakfast sitting up for the first time in 12 weeks which was pure bliss. Eating laying down is not enjoyable especially when trying to get a spoonful of Cornflakes in your mouth without covering yourself in milk. After so long with the brace on sitting in the chair without it was weird. I almost felt naked.Very odd. Enjoying my new found freedom I whizzed around the ward unhindered at last. Until......I heard my name being called from down the corridor. It was my Dr, who informed me that they had got the sums wrong and it was not to come off for another week. I looked at him mortified. "You cant do that to me, thats torture!" I said to him. Well it turns out that they could do that to me and on it went once again. To say I was gutted would be an understatement. On it went and it will finally come off this week. At least i got a taster of what life will be like without it. I cannot wait.

 

I make myself jump when I fart. No I really do. Because i have no feeling i have no idea when the deed is to be done. This can often take me by surprise and indeed it has been known to make me jump. When there have been people in the room I have actually looked at them accusingly or asked if they did it. I'm sure those around me are blaming me for their own indiscretions as i did when i blamed the dog as a kid.

 

Im getting frustrated at the amount of time I have to stay in bed. Not because I am on bed rest but because of the staffing levels I lay in bed waiting to get up in the morning. I usually get woken at around 7.30am for breakfast. On average I am not out of bed until 11am. In between I have had bowels done and a wash but quite often I lay there waiting for somebody. One of the other patients worked it out that he is essentially spending nearly 2 full working days laying in bed waiting to get up. I am not too far behind this figure. Its very easy to get really pissed off and take out your frustrations out on the staff but it is not their fault. its the age old issue of budgets and lack of manpower. Being in here has been a real eye opener. Having not spent any time in hospital before I didn't know first hand the problems reported within the NHS. There are serious issues which need to be addressed. I could go on and on about the things I have witnessed but to be honest I really cannot be bothered but I do genuinely feel for the nurses who work so hard in the face of so many problems. It is them who are confronted by frustrated and angry patients. One thing I will say however is that I am astonished at the level of English that some of the foreign nurses are at. I am quite a patient person (stop laughing) but I can completely understand the frustrations of the patients who struggle on a daily basis to get themselves understood. Again it is not the nurses fault. It is the fault of the system which is responsible for employing people from Africa, Italy, Asia etc. The English of a few of the foreign nurses is very very basic and certainly not at a level one would expect to see. I do not have a problem with people coming to England to work, in fact I relish the different cultures that are on my ward as it makes for some interesting conversations.

 

Last week there was a friends and family day on the ward. Nothing spectacular, just a buffet. Unfortunately trying to squeeze so many wheelchairs coupled with completely inept drivers proved to be a bit of a nightmare. There were people slamming their electric wheelchair into reverse without looking, slamming into another chair whose driver only had eyes for sausage rolls so was unable to swerve out of the way. The able bodied amongst the group were nearly rendered disabled themselves having been the victim of Mrs Grayson driving into the back their legs at full speed as she tried to negotiate George (Name changed) who was just going round and round and round and round. George. Bloody hell he's a card. I have sat watching him in his wheelchair as he had a head on collision with the Nurses main desk as he tried once again to avoid absolutely nothing. Watching him negotiate his way to the water cooler is something else. Tables will be dragged behind him as he has managed to hook himself to one of the legs. Chairs are pushed around the room as he completes his 42 point turn. Its like watching a barge sailing on a stream. He will do 2 laps around the ward daily but unfortunately holds onto the wheels as he pushes forward meaning he is going nowhere slowly. Bless him. I have tried to explain to him how to conserve energy whilst at the same time getting maximum power but it falls on death ears. BTW George is convinced that we are all being filmed and the ward is bugged. "Like Watergate in the Seventies" he will tell people as he shuffles past them.

 

We had an incident last week. Not in the hospital but in the car park of the shopping centre. I had promised jasper that we would go and get him a new pair of football boots. Off we went to the shopping centre. Being in a car btw with no control of ones legs is a bit strange. They do not stay where you want them to. One leg will flop to the left whilst the other will fall in the opposite direction. You bring your knees together, let go and off they go again. The only way I could solve the situation was by tying my legs together with a scarf! Anyway, there we were in the car park. I transferred from the front seat to the wheelchair only to find i had had an accident. One of the major parts of my rehab is bowel management. A person with an injury such as mine has no control of their bowels. There is NO feeling. Although the nurse carries out my bowel management in the morning unfortunately until a proper routine is established and my body has become accustomed to it there will invariably be what is termed as 'leaks'. Unfortunately for us, in the car park of the shopping centre I had one. I felt anger, I felt shame, i felt upset. What i didn't want to do was show Jasper all of these things. I put myself in his position, looking at his Dad, the guy he idolises, **** his pants in front of not just him but quite possibly other people too. If i was him I would probably have been standing there thinking to myself, theres no way Im ever going out with Dad when my mates are around. His reaction when told that we would have to go straight back to hospital minus said boots was not the greatest but kind of understandable. To show him that sometimes one has to think of others before yourself I decided to sit in my mess for 10 minutes to enable him to look for some boots. As it happens they didn't have radioactive il luminous green and pink ones so back to the hospital we went.

Back at the hospital a covert operation commenced in order to get me inside and cleaned up without anybody else knowing, thus saving me a lot more embarrassment. It shouldn't be a problem as all the staff are obviously use to it and to be fair I can talk openly about it but it was Susi who went out of her way to spare my blushes. Off she went and then returned with pads to prevent the wheelchair from getting too dirty. Once in my room she proceeded to get me spick and span again. I know she has had 3 kids and dealt with all their mess over the years but it cannot be easy seeing the man you love and worship (ha ha) and consequently clearing up after him. But clean up she did once again. Taking my soiled clothing off she then washed and dressed me. I was as good as new once again. I am so lucky to have her by my side. She has been with me every step of the way. Cleaning me....dealing with the crap (literally) and taking the crap (metaphorically) when I am in pain or frustrated. She has held my hand, reassured me, cleaned me, fed me, driven mile after mile to be with me. She makes sure I am looked after by the nurses. She will ask question after question to ensure i am getting the care and attention i need. I am guilty of thinking I am the only one suffering at times. Yes I am the one that has been paralysed, I am the one in pain. But she is in pain too, as are the kids, as are all those around me. All our lives have been effected by this. All our lives are upside down. We are all in this together and all look forward to the day when there is some sort of normality back in our lives.

 

Not sure how much longer I will be here. I think the way things are going it be will around the end of July. Although I cannot wait to get out it also fills me with apprehension. This is a spinal unit, it is a big safety bubble. Everything is designed for the use of wheel chairs. There are nurses who are at the end of a buzzer to cater for your needs. (Even if it could be buzzing for bloody ages until somebody comes. Mostly through no fault of their own but i have sat listening to certain members gossiping about god knows what whilst buzzer after buzzer goes off). The big outside is where all the work will start. It won't be long now although it seems an age away. Lots of work to do between now and then however.

 

HI SEAN all the best sean from sonia jon

[sean]

Thanks Lads. Geoff, I have been photographing the glimpses of the trees and landscape (glimpses of nature) from within the corridors.

[bobh]

Hi Sean

Thanks for the usual highs and lows, laughs and tears. Your strength still astounds me.

[TreeswingerPerth]

Feeling very humble here Sean , all the very best to you mate .

[geoff]

Thanks Lads. Geoff, I have been photographing the glimpses of the trees and landscape (glimpses of nature) from within the corridors.

 

Some years ago I was forced through illness to spend time in hospital, I remember one spell lasted about six weeks, & I often looked out of the window at the world, it seemed it was just trundling on without me being involved,I felt segregated from my family & the world outside, sort of frozen in a bubble.

It was a long burn shock, with a sadness, no tangible end as my prognosis was unpredictable, in time this feeling developed into a strong determination to fight my way out & get back to being 'in my life 'again.

These pictures of yours hit the nail on the head for me. In part as the scene through the window is not complete, giving a sense of detachment from the outside.

Edited June 2, 2015 by geoff

[Taupotreeman]

This is both difficult, interesting and sobering reading. If anything encourages me to be more safe at work it is reading your words. I wish you the best with your recovery and can only hope that it is both a speedy and complete one.

[eldon]

Keep at it Sean you are making progress we can all see that although it may not be so clear you whose in the situation.

 

All the best, oh and a simple Velcro strap for your legs maybe the answer in the car.