Jokes???

[Woodcrafter]

Rod Stewart has been asked to sing at Margaret Thatchers funeral. But 'Wake up Maggie" may not be everyones favourite...

[Woodcrafter]

What do u call a burnt tesco burger? BLACK BEAUTY.

[Woodcrafter]

Paddy says to Mick "I'm booked in for a circumcision tomorrow." Mick says "I had that done when i was a day old." Paddy says "Did you? - was it sore?" Mick says "Well i couldn't walk for 18 months!"

[Paulfreebury]

I'm not saying not to trust the Internet, but there's an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I've won, & the number of iPads I own.

[Paulfreebury]

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off.

 

A passing tramp stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself, if you don't mind, could we have sex please?"

 

The woman says, "No, Go Away"

 

The tramp turns to leave and replies, "Fine, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."

[Paulfreebury]

My dad's a pilot and often flies over Holland.

 

But he Netherlands.

[Paulfreebury]

My mate Paddy's in university studying to be an arborist.

 

He's on year tree.

[Paulfreebury]

A man was in an overnight sleeper train. He got onto the top bunk, then at the next stop a woman got on the train and lay down on the bottom bunk. It was a cold night, and eventually, the woman speaks;

 

"Can I borrow a blanket please?"

 

The man replies, "I've got an idea; why don't we pretend that we're married?"

 

The woman, giggling, says, "Ok then"

 

"Good", the man says. "Get your own blanket

[Woodcrafter]

After proposing to his girlfriend at the weekend, Paddy drove to Brighton for a night of passion. As he pulled up at a red light, he slid his hand under her skirt above her stockings. She whispered in his ear, "Now we are engaged, you can go further." So Paddy drove on to Bournemouth.

[Ropechucka]

I bought the wife a memory stick, it's great!

She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner, or sex once since the first beating.