Jokes???

[Mycoman]

Paddy takes his goldfish to the vet and says its got epilepsy. The vet says "It looks calm enough to me" Paddy says "I haven't taken it out the bowl yet!"

 

 

 

 

Looks like Stuart Hall is looking at five years. Could be ten if the police play their joker.

[Mycoman]

My next door neighbour just confronted me about items missing from her washing line. I nearly crapped her pants!

[Mycoman]

My missus bought a Christmas tree the other day. The assistant asked "will you be putting it up yourself?". She replied:

 

 

 

"Don't be DISGUSTING! It's going in the lounge"

[PeteB]

I went with a girl whose parts were like plasticene, I don't think I got it in but I certainly made a good impression!

[Mycoman]

Me: "Two tickets please."

Cashier: "for the hobbit?"

Me: "no, she's actually my girlfriend"

[Tommy_B]

Me: "Two tickets please."

Cashier: "for the hobbit?"

Me: "no, she's actually my girlfriend"

 

Ha ha ha!! Really like that one.

[RobRainford]

For those of you wondering what it's like to be married...

 

I just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.

[farmer rod]

For those of you wondering what it's like to be married...

 

I just found out this morning I'm on day 3 of an argument I didn't know I was having.

 

I was reminded that a batchelor was a chap who hadn't made the same mistake once

[RobRainford]

If I do say so myself, the garden looks quite festive.

 

I put green and red food dye in my dogs food for the past week.

[woodworm]

My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5

hours to hoover the house.

 

Turns out she was a Slovak