Jokes???

[TRADITIONAL LOGGERS]

Someone gave me a Proverbs Book to help with the current stress:-

 

An idle mind is.... the best way to relax.

 

Man who fart in church.... sit in own pew.

 

As long as your mistakes are new ones you can argue that you are making progress.

 

Experience is something you get just after you need it.

 

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

 

Reality is merely a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

 

You have three choices in life:- Give up, Give in, or give it your all!

 

A cask of wine will work more miracles than a church full of saints.

 

Be nice to your children, they'll be choosing the old folks home.

[RobRainford]

I was telling a girl in the pub about my uncanny ability to guess the day a woman was born just by feeling their breasts.

 

"Really?" she said. "Go on then... Try."

 

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience.

 

"Come on," she demanded, "What day was I born on?"

 

"Yesterday?" I replied.

[Christopher Schroeter]

Just heard the window cleaner screaming and shouting outside my house.

 

I think he's lost his rag!

[Paul Barton]

Conjunctivitis.com.

 

That's a site for sore eyes.

[PeteB]

I got caught having a piddle in the town baths tonight!

 

Yeh, the lifeguard shouted so loud, I nearly fell in!

Edited February 9, 2012 by PeteB

[PeteB]

I was talking to a girl in the pub tonight,she tells me she baths in detergent every night, I always thought she was a flash ****!

[Sam Thompson]

I was in Tescos earlier with the missus when suddenly she said, "Do you know what? Your a right lazy twonk!"

Well, I thought I`m not having this,

 

 

 

 

 

So I got out of the trolley and walked off

[Daniël Bos]

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

An interrupting cow.

 

An interupti..MOOOO!

[Christopher Schroeter]

I bought my mate a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light up when he opened it!

[RobRainford]

Tonight, I'm going to toss so hard that it sticks to the ceiling.

 

I love pancake day.