Jokes???

[Mark James]

I was sat on the edge of the bed last night, pulling off my boxers when the wife said to me, "Please don't do that to the dogs...

 

Good one

 

 

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[Sam Thompson]

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

 

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up.

...

"Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

 

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

 

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

 

There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whiskey and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."

 

"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."

 

"That'll be me then," said Paddy.

[RobRainford]

I'm starting to be careful about drink driving, now Christmas isn't far away.

 

In fact last night I left my car at the pub and took the bus home.

 

I'm quite proud of myself.

 

I'd never driven a bus before.

[Stephen Blair]

A hat trick of funnies lol

[slasherscot]

Worst joke of the year

 

An american walks into the Glasgow museum.......he asks the attendant how old is that Dinosaur.........400 million years and 9 months...wow how can u be so accurate. Well says the attendant, it was 400 million years old when i started here 9 months ago

[p-hardy]

ever notice that 'Female' is just male, with the symbol for iron (Fe) in front of it?

[RobRainford]

ever notice that 'Female' is just male, with the symbol for iron (Fe) in front of it?

 

how Ironic!

 

 

ill get my coat....

[Tyz05]

I asked my blonde girlfriend, "Can you take the day off tomorrow?".She looked at me with a puzzled face and replies,"Mon"?

[Tyz05]

I went to see the doctor. He asked me if I'd ever given myself a prostate examination.

 

I replied, "Not deliberately, but the wife always buys cheap toilet roll."

[Martyn Amos]

took my son for his 1st pint!

got him a stella,he didnt like it so i drunk it?

got him a carlsberg,he didnt like that so i drunk it?

same with guinness and cider,he didnt like them so i drunk them

by the time we got down to the whiskeys,i could hardly push his pram!