Jokes???

[nepia]

My missus thinks I'm immature and that we should set aside a day to sit down and talk about it.

 

Yeah - like that's going to happen in the middle of the conker season.

[Big J]

My missus thinks I'm immature and that we should set aside a day to sit down and talk about it.

 

Yeah - like that's going to happen in the middle of the conker season.

 

 

Proper giggles for that one - with so many crude and adult jokes (not that many of them aren't funny, because they are), it's nice to guffaw at a joke as innocent as that!

[APC]

Patient: Doctor doctor, there's a bit of lettuce sticking out of my arse!

 

Doctor: Sorry to say it but that's only the tip of the Iceberg

 

 

 

 

 

Two sausages in a fryin pan..

 

One screams 'aaaghh its hot in here'..

 

The other screams..

 

'Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggghhh talking sausage!!!'

 

 

 

 

What's the similarity between Titanic and The Sixth Sense?

 

Icey dead people

[combined tree services]

if i have a green ball in my left hand and a green ball in my right hand what do i have ???............................................................................................

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

......................Kermit's undivided attention !!

[Matthew Arnold]

Woman goes to the dr all beaten up, she says my husband does this, can you help? Dr says next time make a cup of sweet tea and swish it around you mouth. She does & goes back saying I swished and swished and he didn't touch me. How does tea do that? Dr says its not the tea its keeping your mouth shut that does it!!

 

Dwarf with a speech impediment goes to buy a horse. "I want a female horth" he said to the dealer who shows him a mare. "Nithe horth. Can i thee her teeth?" He lifts the dwarf and shows him her teeth." Nithe teeth. Can i thee her twot?" He lifts him up and shoves his head up the mare fanny and pulls it out a few seconds later. "I'll refaze that. Can i thee her wun awound?"

[armchairarborist]

a big brown bear was taking a schmit in the woods, he looks over and sees a rabbit also taking a schmit, 'here' says the bear to the rabbit, 'do you find that schmit sticks to your fur?' 'no' replies the rabbit, 'cant say i've ever had that problem', 'good' says the bear, reaches out and wipes his bum with the rabbit..

[woodmark3]

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital???

 

 

 

 

 

The ultra sound guy.

 

But when he is not working who is the coolest guy in the hospital?

 

 

The hip replacement guy...

[tommer9]

Paddy met Mick in the street and Mick said:

'Paddy will you draw your bedroom curtains before making love to your wife in the future?'

"Why?" Paddy asked.

'Because,' said Mick 'all the street was laughing when they saw you making love yesterday'

Paddy replied 'Silly buggers! - the laugh's on them. I wasn't home yesterday!!'

[mark hooper]

2 prostitutes stood on the corner talking one says to the other you ever been picked up by the fuzz ? no she said but ive been swung round by the tits

[nepia]

A pregnant prostitute's at the doctor's.

Dr: Do you know who the father is?

Pros: Jeez - if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?