Jokes???

[Oldfeller]

The  Restaurant tale, pt 2.

So we arrive at this restaurant and get our table, get a few beers, and after the young waitress hands us the menus decide what to have, it all looked good, the usual steaks of various sizes and cuts, various chicken dishes, and some nice looking fish too as we had seen a couple eating that when we made our way to the table,  so young attractive waitress is now ready and one by one we order, we are having a fair selection from the menu, there's 9 of us, with 3 more expected, John as usual has the biggest steak possible, and everything that comes as an option with it, she's writing all down and rather nervously says its only her 2nd day working there, we assure her everything is fine and off she goes to the kitchen, so one by one our food starts to arrive and it all looks great, John hasn't got his yet and we kid him up, "cant find a plate big enough John" but eventually she brings it over,,, it's not what he ordered, "what's that" he asks, young girl looked petrified,, "im sorry I think I got it wrong" 

"but you wrote it down, how can it be wrong" asks John.

the poor girl gets the order from the kitchen, and sure enough she wrote it correctly, "so it's the chefs fault" says John, the waitress now looks like shes about to burst into tears and head for the door never to be seen again, John big as he was has a soft spot for the ladies, he sees this is stressing her out  and quickly says, "its fine really, it looks very good, I'll eat this instead", the look of relief was apparent and she apologized and graciously went about her duties, so we all tuck in and it's soon forgotten, so John having ate the somewhat smaller plate is now keen to order pudding, gets waitresses attention and her she comes clearing plates and leaving us the sweet/pudding menu to browse through, she soon returns, some have made their minds up already and shes once again frantically writing it all down, she looks at John,she asks "what would you like sir"?

"I would like a large portion of home made apple pie with two scoops of ice cream please, so what have I got to ask for to get that?" and gave her a wink.

It was a good night, only time I've known a lock in in a restaurant.

[Rac man]

[WirralBoy]

[sime42]

[Mick Dempsey]

3,201 个心情 · 109 条评论 | They do waste a lot of time though 😅...

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They do waste a lot of time though 😅 #parenting #parentingcomedy...

 

[eggsarascal]

Imagine getting away with this now.

1,059 次播放 · 22 个心情 | Bernard Manning -The Egg #Comedy #FunnyVideos...

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Bernard Manning -The Egg #Comedy #FunnyVideos #StandUpComedy #ComedySketch #Humor...

 

[Oldfeller]

3 hours ago, eggsarascal said:

Imagine getting away with this now.

I think you have.

[sime42]

 

 

[WirralBoy]

[Oldfeller]

Ok, another Tale from me and the late big John.

so I bought this old 35cwt transit drop side, got it cheap as it had the useless v4 in it.   I'm struggling along with it as it's a good solid truck, I'm thinking of putting a diesel of some kind in it for economy, the usual kinda thing that was around at the time was a perkins 4108, or similar. talking to John in the pub we get around to talking about a replacement engine for the snail like transit, John suddenly announces,," I know where there's a good engine, it's brand new in a crate"

really John? "yeah It's a mate of mine got it"

so Saturday morning were off to see this new engine, I'm kinda thinking it's gonna be a waste of time but hoping I'm wrong.

we rock up at the guys house and head for the garage, sure enough there a crate with FORD written all over it, "what is it?" I ask,

"don't rightly know not good with engines"

"ok lets have a look" gets a pry bar starts opening the crate,

"how did you manage to buy an engine but don't know what it is"

"Er,, I didn't buy it" and quickly added "it's not  hot"

I prize the top from the crate and immediately recognize the engine, it's a Ford  V6 Essex motor, and not just any old v6,, it's a 3.1 a feckin' RS 3.1

not nicked you say? ok , what's the story, well guys a swimming pool builder, and he builds a pool for some customer who then decides he cant, or wont  pay, so he starts down the usual route, solicitors, letters, etc,etc, this is how John gets involved, engine guy is a mate of his so naturally Johns offered to er,,, help! so John pays them a visit and discovers a very irate wife who has discovered her husband is screwing someone else, presented with this John is about to leave and the woman says, if he's not feckin' with his bloody car, he's off screwing someone else. 

and there's the crate engine, "I'll take that as part payment" help yourself she says. so he did. 3 months later after numerous letters, phone calls etc, it transpires the adulterer has run of to Europe somewhere with the new squeeze and vanished, she owns the house so matey boy has shitout, she comes up with some cash for the pool to avoid any ccj and he keeps the engine.

"feck me what a story, ok how much?"  

"two hund,,"DONE", I hold out my hand and he shakes it, red quid"

result.

two weeks later the engine is in the transit,facilitated by the v6 bellhousing, on the tranny box, and the diesel front panel to accommodate the extra length of the v6, soon it has the required 500 mile running in period and boy this thing can really move, the acceleration is frightening for an old transit truck, due to the rear axle ratio, and a little care needed in the wet, but ton and half on the back and it doesn't even know its there. and at sensible speed it's no worse on fuel than the v4 as it's barely ticking over and has bags of torque, 

John is itching to drive it,, but I'll tell you about that next time.