New Series - Customers from Hell!

[TimberCutterDartmoor]

How about this one: no joke!

 

Today - small job removing single 20' cypress goes like this: (Times are approximate and quotes are remembered as best as poss.)

 

06:40: Mobile rings and the client is phoning to check I am coming since the weather "...isn't doing what's forcast...", "...Tell me - what is your policy when the weather forecast is not correct? Do you wear waterproofs to be on the safe side?"...

 

I had only met the husband before when quoting, amiable chap but now his other half is clearly running the show.

 

Wearing waterproofs - well if it rains, quite likely. I won't repeat the rest of my answer to her.

 

"Well if you do have to wear waterproofs, please tuck them in (excuse me?!) rather than have your upper garment out looking like the yobos" Ok! Needless to say I didn't bother explaining the way water flows down clothes!

09:00 arrive at clients premises: Lady of the house is waiting in the driveway with secateurs in hand; "Good morning Sir, thank you for coming today. Please park your, oh it is big isn't it, van fully on the road and not half on the pavement. I do dissaprove of that you know. It is so slovenly".

 

"Oh and what are you going to chop the tree with, I hope it is not dangerous? I would appreciate it if you could do it quietly and not talk to each other whilst working here" :ohmy:

 

The stem of the tree is little more than 8" girth so I'm planning on pretty much putting it thru the chipper in a one-er. Interestingly, no complaint is made or indeed appearance when chainsaws are used. Some mild directional control is implemented to avoid a hawthorne hedge during which she is watching the progress with, wait for it, binoculars!!! On the trees landing, she gives a quirky thumbs up through the window!

 

We then lift the tree to carry down the driveway to the chipper. In moments she appears, red faced and asks "what are you doing with the tree?" We are removing it as agreed Madam... "Oh, where are you removing it to?" To the... (oh no I think, she's going to say something about the big machine outside)... chipper...

 

"What's a chipper? Is it noisy? Does it smell? Is it diesel? Does it make a mess?"

 

Explanation given...

 

"I will not have you putting a tree through that machine; can't you do something more sensible with it?" Of course, I'm regretting taking the job long ago by now.

 

She then summons her husband by shouting v loud "Neil - please see to these gentlemen please" "Why weren't you telling them how to do it?"

 

All the while, my buddy is wanting to turn the ign key for the Jensen, she's cutting bits of tree with her secateurs and the poor husband is just hanging there. In the end we just cut the tree in half, and shoved it in the trailer and left with a cheque (at least) but this was Hyacinth Bucket for real!!!

Edited April 16, 2009 by TimberCutterDartmoor

[Stephen Blair]

i am glad its not just me that gets the nutters mate, she does sound like a right thumper.

[Dean Lofthouse]

You should have just asked her how her sex life was, she obviously needs satisfying

[Tom D]

HA HA HA HA. Love it. There's some nutters out there alright.

How do you keep a streight face?

[samarb]

Hey mate, have no time for people like that i would of got back in the truck first thing and done one. Even though you done a good job I bet she was straight on the phone slagging you off. Never good for business.

[John Hancock]

You should have just asked her how her sex life was, she obviously needs satisfying

 

 

Was she nice?

[Dean Lofthouse]

I have just said, "look love, I'm here to take your tree down, not apply for the scoffieurs job"

[skyhuck]

Hey mate, have no time for people like that i would of got back in the truck first thing and done one. Even though you done a good job I bet she was straight on the phone slagging you off. Never good for business.

 

:confused1:But she wouldn't if you left????????????????

[log supplier]

Was she nice?

 

john hope your not into granny bashing lol

[John Hancock]

I think people like that are what makes our country and culture so diverse. I wouldn’t knock anyone for being themselves – long live individuality!