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The most outragous things you've done


Dean Lofthouse
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In an earlier post I told Skyhuck that when me and my brother were 3 and 5 respectively we demolished a house and said I would explain in another thread.

 

We used to live in a three storey house and our bedroom was the attic bedroom, you know the one with the chimney breast that sloped diagonally across the wall.

 

Me and my brother decided it would be a good thing to pick out the pointing from between the stonework on the underneath of the chimney breast with teaspoon handles.

 

How long it took us or how much we dod I can't remember because I was only three.

 

We ahd enough of that and retired to bed. At approximately 3am the whole chimney breast including the chimney on the roof and part of the roof came crashing through the house demolishing the whole of the three floors.

 

When rescuers got to us we were sat up in our beds covered in black lime dust, none the worse for wear.

 

Luckily no-one was injured , but the house was unrepairable and had to be demolished, the council had to find us emergency accomodation.

 

Just one of the things me and my brother used to get upto.

 

Apparently we were the children from hell, my mother said.

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Not quite in Dean's League, but I gave my parents a few gray hairs.

I -

Ate a whole box of firelighters at age 2, requiring me to be rushed to hospital for a stomach pump

 

When I was 7 I got some matches and set fire to the heather on the mountain behind our house. needed 7 fire engines to control the blaze.

 

On the same mountainside, we blocked a drainage ditch with turf sods and stones to make a dam. That night it poured down and the ditch overflowed into the terrace below, flooding the ground floors.

 

At age 12 my cousin came over and demonstrated how to make a nitrate fertiliser bomb in a coke can. I thought it would be better to make one on a 5 litre paint can and detonate it with and old shotgun cartridge and lightbulb, and 100 meters of old bt cable.

We placed it in the old disussed granite quarry offices, and expected a nice bang. We did'nt expect it to blow the roof off completely, whilst sending a fireball 100ft into the air.

 

I wonder how I even made it to this age sometimes...

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these few chestnuts wont win any prizes here but...

 

had a bobcat minidigger across my legs after thinking it would be easier to get up to a treehouse sat in a sling under the bucket, mate swung it off axis at full revs, no broken bones, just a me shaped imprint in his lawn,

 

theres a video of me lifting the roof off his garage and dropping it back through the garage with same digger, video taken by his dad... UNDER the falling roof

 

quite a worrying number of occurences involving fire, fire extinguishers, bowsers of water, body parts on fire, (i think that one was petrol filled coke can football), exploding bonfires (that one was fun, especially the getting blown off my feet part! :o. only [problem was collecting the bonfire back up to actually burn it), a few incidents of banger racing round the field turning into complete carnage,

 

and possibly my personal favourite, forgetting we'd put a ditch up the middle of one of our bigger fields to make it into 2, and hooning up the headland in the tractor, spotting the ditch, grabbing the steering wheel VERY F TIGHTLY and opening my eyes front wheels one side, rear wheels the other.

 

dad 'did not look appy'

 

there must be more, I'll go ask the parents.

 

 

actually, starting to realise why they hate me :(

 

oh yeah remembered another one. mate lives on a farm too, his dad had been given a merc on permanent loan while this bloke went to live in saudi, so it sat in the shed a couple years, and one day we wanted to take it for a rag round the field. I devised a devillishly cunning plan that the locks could be undone with an electric screwdriver (no idea where id heard or seen this) so inserted drill driver flat bit into the lock, and pulled the trigger. 'pop' there we go, handed it to my mate, grrrrrrrrrr ****, had he half made a mess of the drivers side lock! so I quickly relocked mine, and a few years later when this bloke incidently came back from saudi to find the car had been, well, errm... damaged, my mate's dad told him someone must have tried to nick it. we kept particularly quiet for a while

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Left in passenger seat of morris minor van while mother went into the local shop which was on a very steep bank released handbreak and van hurtled to it's final destination about 400yds at the bottom of the bank upside down, seat folded over saving me been thrown out of it. aged 18 months

 

father turned his back on me for to long in the yard, I decided to get on to the freshly painted tin roof only to slide down and luckily catch my feet in the guttering, rescued with triple extension ladder by parents and banned from the yard by my mother, don't know who got the bigger bollocking me or my dad. aged 10.

 

first allday drinking session on a boxing day dropped of by the bigger bad boys, staggered into house and preceded to relieve my aching bladder on the brand new ferguson tv infront of suprise visitors (gran mother aunty and uncle) initail shock over then thrown into cold shower by father, he did say the look on my granmothers face was priceless years later.:scared1:

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