Jokes???

[powersawsquirell.]

[Logdaft]

A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips.

Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon.

"It's very brave of you to come out here," says Matthew. "Please tell the audience what happened."

"Well," replies Simon, "about a year ago, I was driving with my uncle when we had a really bad accident. Unfortunately my uncle was killed outright but I survived. I was trapped in the car for six hours before I was eventually cut free. The doctors had me in surgery for 12 hours but they couldn't save my legs."

"That's terrible. But I see you have legs now. Are they artificial?" asks Matthew.

"No Matthew, while I was in hospital the doctors informed me that my uncle had in fact died. But they also said that his legs were fine and, with all the advances in medical science, they could graft the bottom half of his body onto mine. As you can see the operation was successful.
"I have been having physiotherapy for six months and hope to be walking fully again by the end of the year."

A huge round of applause erupts from the audience.

Kelly responds with:
"That's an unbelievable story. So tonight, who are you going to be?"

"Tonight, Matthew, I am going to be Simon and Half-uncle"

[Logdaft]

[kevinjohnsonmbe]

23 minutes ago, Logdaft said:

 

[Logdaft]

[eggsarascal]

I've just heard they aren't going to make 12" rulers any longer.

[Billhook]

Paddy has a visit from his farming cousin who lives in Wyoming.

"Say Paddy, how big is your farm here?"

"Well Jo. if you were to go out of the kitchen door and turn right, then walk along the hedge for a couple of hundred yards, then through the gate and turn left and follow the line of trees for another couple of hundred yards until you reach the stream. Turn left at the stream and follow it all the way back to the farmyard and there you have it, that's about the size of it"

"Gee Paddy, back in Wyoming on my farm I could start driving my car off in the morning and I would never reach the far end of the farm by sunset"

" Bejeebers!,  I once had a car like dat!"

[Logdaft]

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[Logdaft]