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Posted

A guy went into a French seafood restaurant and asked to see the
dishes of the day. The waiter wheeled over a trolley with a large tank
full of various species, and the man examined the dishes.

"I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" said
the man. "An excellent choice, they have a delicate, mild flavour."
replied the waiter and called out "Gervais!"

A little French chef appeared with a large knife, the waiter
instructed the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.
Gervais was just about to slice at the poor squid when he noticed a tear
running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admitted that he hadn't
the heart to kill the squid.

"Not to worry" says the waiter, and called out "Hans!!" at which an
enormous German bloke came out of the kitchen. "Sir", said the waiter,
"This is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans kill that little green squid with
the hairy lip!"

The dishwasher wielded a huge rolling pin and was just about to
bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringed back
and gave a little cry. "I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid"
Hans admitted, his lower lip trembling.

"Well sir," said the waiter, "it just shows......

That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais, with mild green hairy lipped squid...

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Posted

Not a joke in the usual sense, but this is 100% true. Had an "urgent" email earlier this week from the property management company that look after a housing estate (set in grounds of the old county asylum, lots of big mature trees). They sent me a photo of a 3-4 inch basal diameter branch that had dropped from a Maple, and asked me for a quote for "tree works". I decided to ring the young woman who had sent this vague request, and I asked he what tree work they wanted me to quote for, to which she replied, deadpan serious, that they wanted me to put the branch back and make it look right!!!???

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Posted

Confuscus, he say: Sex and joke is same thing really - no good if you don't get it.

Confuscus, he say: It take 100 nails to make a crib, but one screw to fill it.

 

A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.

  • Like 1
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Arbtalk.co.uk is a hub for the arboriculture industry in the UK.  
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