Jokes???

[tommer9]

A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

 

Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?' .

She replied, 'Probably fishing with his mates.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the Classroom.........

[odd_bird]

Q: What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid?

A: Someone who worships the tree that is not there.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid mathematician?

A: Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that is not there.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid veterinarian?

A: Someone who worships the bark of the tree that is not there.

[Mick Stockbridge]

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

[dave fox]

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

ha ha ha ha love that joke!!!

[Tree Man Tom]

I think Andy Gray and Richard Keys should be sacked after their ignorant, sexist comments on TV. Sky Sports should set an example and give their jobs to female presenters. Preferably ones with really big tits!

[RopeKnight]

Anthropology student heads to a North American Native reserve to complete her studies with an interview with the Chief.

Ginelle greets "Please to meet you. My name is Ginelle"

Cheif greets "Howww. Me Cheif Screw em All":biggrin:

Ginelle " Cheif Screw Em All ??"

Ya, me screw em all. Tall one, short one, skinny one, fat one, ugly and pretty one, me screw em all!"

Ginelle " OH DEAR":blushing:

Cheif " No, not dear. Dear run to fast, Ass to high"

[nepia]

A hooker told me I could have my way with her for just £10 because she had no womb. I asked how we'd do it then.

 

She said 'acwoss the woad against the wailings'.

[Gareth Smith]

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

 

:lol::lol:

[tommer9]

A Scotsman’s Chilli.

 

 

A hungry but penniless bloke walks into a seedy cafe in Glasgow.

 

He sits at the counter and notices Jock with his arms folded staring blankly at a bowl of chilli.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the hungry bloke bravely asks,

"If you aren't going to eat that, mind if I do?"

 

 

The old Jock slowly turns his head toward the young bloke and says, "Aye, ye can gae right aheid."

 

 

Eagerly, the young bloke reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chilli.

The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chilli back into the bowl.

 

 

The old Jock says, "Aye, that's as far as I got too."

[tommer9]

IRISH DIET

 

 

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

 

'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day ...... And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.

The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'

 

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

 

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

 

The Irishman nodded ...

'I'll tell you though, be jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 'tird day.'

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the blinkin' skippin'