Jokes???

[Lorry thompson]

I did get it Tommy, I was being sarky!

 

What's got 6 eyes and can't see?

 

3 blind mice.

 

Haha of course he got it he's probably the sharpest person on here

[RobRainford]

A man sat in a bar after a long night of drinking says to the landlord "I better get back to the misses before she kicks off at me for staying out all night" so he gets up and walks to the door but falls flat on his face before he gets to the door, he says "my god it seems I hav had a skinfull tonight" he gets up an grabs hold of the door. When he opens the door he attempts to walk home but falls flat on his face on the street, he says "I really have had to much to drink tonight I better crawl home" fortunately he lives just next to the pub and it wasn't to far for him to crawl. He gets to his house and crawls upstairs to bed and falls asleep. The next morning he wakes up and his wife says "you had a fair few pints last night didn't you" and he says "how do you know?" his wife replies "Mick from the pub rang up this morning saying that you left your wheelchair there last night".

[##ray##]

made me smile [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxaCfJfw6AY]YouTube - The Bricklayers Song[/ame]

[tommer9]

A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

 

Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?' .

She replied, 'Probably fishing with his mates.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the Classroom.........

[odd_bird]

Q: What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid?

A: Someone who worships the tree that is not there.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid mathematician?

A: Someone who worships the square roots of the tree that is not there.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid veterinarian?

A: Someone who worships the bark of the tree that is not there.

[Mick Stockbridge]

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

[dave fox]

I used to go out with a girl who punched me in the face when she orgasmed. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them.

ha ha ha ha love that joke!!!

[Tree Man Tom]

I think Andy Gray and Richard Keys should be sacked after their ignorant, sexist comments on TV. Sky Sports should set an example and give their jobs to female presenters. Preferably ones with really big tits!

[RopeKnight]

Anthropology student heads to a North American Native reserve to complete her studies with an interview with the Chief.

Ginelle greets "Please to meet you. My name is Ginelle"

Cheif greets "Howww. Me Cheif Screw em All":biggrin:

Ginelle " Cheif Screw Em All ??"

Ya, me screw em all. Tall one, short one, skinny one, fat one, ugly and pretty one, me screw em all!"

Ginelle " OH DEAR":blushing:

Cheif " No, not dear. Dear run to fast, Ass to high"

[nepia]

A hooker told me I could have my way with her for just £10 because she had no womb. I asked how we'd do it then.

 

She said 'acwoss the woad against the wailings'.