When gingers attack

[silky fox]

No Silky, that's Hoppin' Mad Wolfie McTavish. 
 
Banished to the forest was he. A promising cling film rep in his prime, but his gingerness slowly poisoned his brilliant mind.
 
I put him out of his misery a few years back. He got caught in one of Arzgarth's wizard snares. I mistook him for a rabid Orangutan (we were having lots of problems at the time) and finished him off with a double legged Persian scissor choke.
 
A tragic loss to the world of thin plastic food coverings, but crucially one less ginger in the gene pool.

Thought i hadn't seen him in a while......

[the village idiot]

53 minutes ago, silky fox said:

2 hours ago, the village idiot said:

No Silky, that's Hoppin' Mad Wolfie McTavish. 
 
Banished to the forest was he. A promising cling film rep in his prime, but his gingerness slowly poisoned his brilliant mind.
 
I put him out of his misery a few years back. He got caught in one of Arzgarth's wizard snares. I mistook him for a rabid Orangutan (we were having lots of problems at the time) and finished him off with a double legged Persian scissor choke.
 
A tragic loss to the world of thin plastic food coverings, but crucially one less ginger in the gene pool.

Read more  

Thought i hadn't seen him in a while......

You can still visit him if you like Silky. Arzgarth pickled him in vinegar. He got a good deal on 30,000 sachets from the cash and carry and preserved McTavish in one of our old Terrapin tanks.

 

Since Arzgarth gave up on shadow puppetry our evening's entertainment consists of watching his body slowly decompose. Megabitch (Slayer of Serenity) has taken to dipping her chips in there. Arzgarth and I believe this is symptomatic of her general lack of respect.

[silky fox]

Incredible!...You know,some folk might call this tale "Fake News" but obviously we here in Arbtalkland no very different and never doubt or question anything of which the Village Idiot speaks....Really,you couldn't make this sort of thing up.Long may you continue to enchant us with your fantasmagorical stories[emoji6]

[spudulike]

13 hours ago, the village idiot said:

Nope. Being tree surgeons they are far too expensive. They price their make-up into the job and keep telling me I have to pay more for professional outfits.

 

I tend to go with these guys for musical accompaniment.  Badass! And not a whiff of ginger.

Looks like Shalamar to me!!

[the village idiot]

Put Arzgarth through the car wash this morning.

 

He has a pathological fear of taps, bathrooms are a no go, and his personal hygiene suffers terribly. He loves the car wash though, giggles the whole way through. A quick squeegy on his spectacles at the end and he's good to go another year.

 

The pressure washer also comes in very handy. Arzgarth subsists purely on a diet of Pepperami and Um bongo. This is causing his brain to break down. The discharge accumulates in his ear canals making him almost completely deaf.

 

Arzgarth has no issue with this, it helps him to tune out Megabitch's vile rantings, but it does cause some problems. Last tuesday before popping out to see Granny Doom I'd asked him to collect logs for the fire. Upon my return I found him hunched infront of the stove feeding lit matches into a pyramid of bemused looking frogs.

 

On this occasion we made the best of it, and six packs of firelighters later we had a roaring blaze with some very pleasing sizzles and pops. Superb heat output, but the stove glass is never going to come up clean.

 

Anyway, I digress. Blasting out Arzgarth's brain juices is a simple matter of inserting the pressure wash nozzle in one ear and applying a 30 second 90psi pulse. Typically about half way through the proceedure the outflow runs clear. The final 15 seconds is purely for Arzgarth's pleasure.

 

We then temporarily pack his ear canals with smooth peanut butter plugs (post proceedure Arzgarth's hearing is particularly acute and unfortunately he is terrified of the sound of his own footsteps) The peanut butter plugs allow time for a small build up of cranial leakage and we are able to walk back to the yurt. After his first treatment Arzgarth was rooted to the spot for three weeks. Sanjeev had to close pump number 5, he was most upset so I sent him a consolatory bag of bombay mix. I haven't heard back from him so I presume we are all good.

 

Anyhow, that was Arzgarth's annual wash and wax. I am now putting my boots up whilst Arzgarth sets to, shovelling out the septic tank. Quite fortuitously Megabitch has contracted laryngitus and lost her voice after breathing in the fumes from Tuesday's fire.

 

All is right with the world.

[the village idiot]

45 minutes ago, spudulike said:

Looks like Shalamar to me!!

From your personal collection Spud?

[Lazurus]

When I was a lad circa 1970......... Thankfully I outgrew that look...... Lol. I loved the 70`s

[Daniël Bos]

Ahem....

[the village idiot]

11 minutes ago, Daniël Bos said:

Ahem....
 

Brilliant!

'Only a ginger can call another ginger ginger'

 

Speaking as TVI's less medieval alter ego I'm on very firm ground here!

 

Not 20ft concrete footings a la Se7enthdevil, but firm ground none the less.

[the village idiot]

25 minutes ago, Lazurus said:

When I was a lad circa 1970......... Thankfully I outgrew that look...... Lol. I loved the 70`s

Presumably the ear flaps muffled much of the taunting lazurus?