peds

Are there edible ferns in the UK or Ireland? Anyone ever foraged fiddleheads? I know they all turn wildly carcinogenic when they crisp up and start throwing spores, but are there any edible varieties at this time of year?

Daughter comes up to me this morning after her breakfast, "Dad, do you want to see the app I just made on my tablet? It tells you if a tree is alive or dead, and if it's safe to walk under or climb on." What's the closest thing available at the moment in the app store? Could she make a million off this idea?

Just if it's got dieback. No problem jumping around on the tips if it's healthy, but you'll not want to put your anchor as high, and definitely won't get as far out, even if it's only in the early stages. I was up a wee ash with early die back before Christmas, you wouldn't know it had it from a distance, but as soon as you start kicking around in it it's obvious. And the mess! Matchsticks everywhere.

I'm as angry as I've ever been!!

Some of those laterals towards the shed definitely wouldn't take you out as far as you'd like them to before snapping. If you can stay closer to the middle and snip off big chunks it'd be fine, but it doesn't look like that shed and fence could take much punishment. I'd probably pass.

Is it legal to electrify a pyracantha hedge?

Outstanding!

They shrink as they dry anyway, just needs a bit of peeling apart and turning occasionally. As long as they aren't mashed in six deep.

Looks great, I'd eat it. Crust of bread to mop up the juice at the end, or a handful of salad leaves and a squeeze of lemon juice. Easy to accidentally add too much cooking water, what I like to do sometimes is add a ladle of pasta water to the sauce and boil hard to reduce. The starch in the cooking water helps to bind the sauce to the pasta itself. I spent a few years working in a pizza and pasta joint, the starchy water technique works best with water used from dozens of portions of pasta, but it's handy at home too.

Ahh I dunno, that sounds a bit too exciting to be honest. Loss of eyebrows, fine, but an actual hospital visit? Needs a different thread.

Absolutely, yeah. I have a tiny piece of gravel in my left elbow that moves around all the time, sometimes it's fine but other times I'll put elbows on the table and lean on it and it's like a little shard of broken glass sticking right up into the bone. Very whinge-worthy.

Thank you, but for God's sake will you people try and stay on topic for once. Have you ever stabbed the pad of your thumb trying to get a car key into a frozen lock? Have you ever caught a flap of skin in the zip of a wetsuit? Did you ever accidentally mix the wrong cleaning products in a bucket and nearly die in a poorly-ventilated bathroom? This place. Honestly.

...and then this much simpler one upstairs, didn't really need to do any 45° angles on it.

This sort of thing. Larch bevel boards, 12cm, coverage 10cm, 3.5m length. The architrave is just the boards cut in half lengthways to 6cm widths, or cut to 3-4cm width depending on what it needs to hide. The wall bows out towards the top left which needed a bit of jiggery pokery ripping to cover with the boards, but I think I got away with it. Hopefully I'll get a deck built before the summer. 27m² ish.

Were you sending technicolour dickpics around?

Yeah, absolutely. Give me a minute.

Didn't feel right adding this to dangb93's stumpgrinder thread, for reasons that will become obvious. But it's still a cautionary tale that maybe someone will benefit from? This thread can now serve as a dumping ground for injuries to which the standard reaction could be "Stop whinging, I've got a bigger hole than that in the end of my knob." So I was pressing a few lengths of architrave into place around this big sliding glass door we've got, where larch cladding meets anthracite-grey door frame. Held up with skinny screws on the larch side, and with No More Nails on the door frame. It's a long piece, and I accidentally smear some No More Nails at the end I'm not paying attention to. Fix it into place, down ladder, move ladder, splash some white spirit onto a fold of blue roll, up ladder, clean up the dabs, stuff the blue roll into my front left pocket (it's a windy day, I'll pop it in the bin when I head inside), grab drill and fix this end into place. Down ladder, move ladder, screw the other end. Carry on about my business. A few hours later I'm sat drinking tea at the breakfast bar, my left leg crossed over my right and pressing against the underside of the bar. Itchy thigh, scratch. Still itching. Ow. Feels like it's burning. Stand up, lower trousers, palm-sized red welt spreading over my skin as I remove the still-wet wodge of white spirit blue roll from my pocket. Whoops! Two weeks later, the burn has nearly gone and the skin almost finished peeling off. I'll not be doing that again. Whinjuries: not life threatening, no surgery or rehab needed, no cool scars to impress people with. Go.

Man, this is a weird thread.

I'd say the ones happy to wade across to the island aren't among the soft lot to be scared off by barbed wire. Have you tried a politely-worded sign?

Coppice at 3ft off the ground.

Orchards don't fare well when they are on fire. Big droughts planned for France too I think.

I mean, for a tenner, you've nothing to lose, have you. Bit late in the year though, especially for you over there on the continent. Give them a buzz cut after they're in the ground and cross your fingers?

Well, yeah.

Ah shite, sorry skip. I have no idea about the authenticity of this, but authenticity often stands in the way of a good meal anyway. For putanesca I put a pan on to boil for the pasta first and a frying pan or another saucepan second. While waiting for the water, the oil from the anchovies goes into the frying pan at medium-high heat, followed shortly after by a minced clove of garlic per person, plus one more for the pan. A minute later, a pinch of red pepper flakes and black pepper, and the anchovies themselves, which are crushed apart with the wooden spoon in the pan. This is all fried together with occasional agitation until the anchovies have essentially disappeared, and in the meantime, I have been pressing the stones from the olives, if necessary, and if not, I will start slicing up a couple of tomatoes, or a handful of cherry tomatoes. Once the anchovies are gone-ish, I add the olives, wait a minute, add some capers, wait another minute, add some chopped parsley and wait yet another minute, then finally add the tomatoes, which are crushed down and simmered for 60 seconds. I use fresh tomatoes instead of a tin because I don't think this is a pasta-in-sauce dish, it should instead be things-stuck-to-pasta. You could get the same effect by using just a third of a tin or so. By now the pasta is about three-quarters on the way to being done, so it gets drained and a mug full of the cooking water is retained (anyone with the counterspace available in their kitchen might like to use a ladle of the hot water to preheat the bowls they'll be eating from, which may or may not be necessary depending on the time of year and how warm your house is). The pasta is tossed into the sauce along with some of the reserved cooking water, stirred and simmered with more water as needed until the pasta is cooked, then a squirt of the good olive oil is tossed through at the last possible second, emulsifying the sauce and giving it a glossy sheen. A knob of butter does the same thing. Slop into your (hot?) bowls, add any finishes you want (parmesan or pecorino, chopped herbs or rocket, fresh chopped chilli or dry chilli flakes, garlic-toasted pangrattato, etc.). Sometimes I grate a bit of lemon zest into it somewhere along the line if there's one lying around on the counter.