Billhook

I had a Bosky 90 back in the 1980s with a mere 3kw oven. It was all there was on the market at the time. I had just built my house and it did the cooking and the heating quite well but it was very badly built. I had taken a power line from the farm and was limited to 4kw because I could not afford a bigger cable but I hardly used the electric oven as the wood was good enough. I think that the electric oven was really there just to maintain a constant temperature in combination with the wood and was designed for people who bake cakes and are far better cooks than I.!

Obvious choice since he is between jobs at the moment is to pay him a billion to make a proper Brexit happen. That should leave £38 billion to play with.

Same as you here in having several acres of woodland on the farm which needs managing. Just the clearing up of wind blown stuff and diseased trees is enough to keep the home fires burning I enjoy processing firewood now I have the Teleporter and processor and one ton boxes to air dry the split timber I never sell any firewood, use it all here but the woods would soon turn into a real mess if I did not do this work For those that do and wish to avoid being fined, just set yourself up as a supplier of David Hockney inspired garden art in the form of a folly Contemplating a beautiful pile of logs on your patio is both calming and soothing and also helps meditation combined with a glass of good malt! At Hockney prices you could sell a pile for millions!

O K last one I promise to make the heavenly trilogy Guy goes up to the Pearly Gates. St Peter asks him if he has been a good man and always faithful to his wife. You are not allowed to lie at this point in the journey! "Yes St Peter, I have always been faithful to my wife" "In that case you can have the keys to this white Rolls Royce in the great car park over there and continue your journey on the great highway into heaven! Next man comes along and is asked the same question to which he replies "Well there was one time I was unfaithful and it has bothered me for years. My secretary was bending over in the office picking up some papers and her skirt lifted a bit and showed me her beautiful legs and one thing led to another........" St Peter says "OK , not an unblemished record, but not really bad so you can have the keys to this blue Ford Mondeo to continue your journey on the great highway into heaven Third man comes along and is asked the same question " Where do I start? Well there was that bird in the chip shop, another on holiday in Marbella, no two there, and then a conference in Manchester........." .this confession went on for some till St Peter had heard enough. "OK, you have not been that good so here are the keys to that Trabant over there" The Trabant took ages to start and he set off in a cloud of black smoke slowly progressing up the highway until he came upon the White Rolls Royce, parked in a layby. The driver had his head in his hands and looked miserable "What seems to be the problem? You have the white Roller for your journey, you should be ecstatic with joy" " I would have been, but I just overtook my wife on a skateboard!"

More heavenly encounters! A man goes up to the gates of heaven where he is welcomed in since he has been a good and righteous person but just before he enters he asks St Peter if he can just be shown how his ungodly brother is doing down in hell. St Peter obliges by producing an image of his brother sitting at a bar with his arm round a blond sitting on one knee and a pint glass in his other hand. "Well it does not look as if he is suffering much to me after all the bad things he has done in his life!" St Peter said. " You do not understand the Hell of his situation. The pint glass has a hole in it and the blond hasn't!"

To carry on the encounters with God theme Man riding his Harley down the Pacific Highway, all is perfect harmony, the bike is purring , the sun is shining, the view is stunning. All of a sudden Paf! and a huge apparition appears in front of him and God speaks. He pulls over in awe and God says. "Harley Man, you have lived your life well, you have given to charities, you have been faithful to your wife and me and I would like to reward you with the gift of one wish, what will it be?" Harley man thought for a bit and said " God, what I would really like is a bridge built from this road across to Hawaii so that I can travel there whenever I want without the hassle of planes or boats both of which I hate" God said "It can be done but have you thought about the huge resources needed for this task, the thousands of tone of steel, the pilings down to the bottom of the ocean, the tarmac, it will be a huge demand on the planet's limited supply of these things. Can you not think of something less demanding on the planet?" Harley Man thought for some time then he said " Yes God, I have always wanted to understand women, what makes them tick, why they are so emotional, why they sometimes cry for no reason and other times are totally unpredictable in love so you never know where you are with them. Yes God my alternative wish is to understand women" God replied " Did you want that Highway to have two or four lanes!"

I am sure that many are buried as the numbers that are shot are so high.

Certainly for me one of the most moving moments in Woodstock when the whole crowd stand up. The F word was a definite taboo in those days and the effect was far greater.

Me too! The poor things are so knackered after their long journey they hardly move out of the way of my truck driven down the farm road at dusk. It cannot be much of a challenge to shoot them in that condition. But I have had to draw my own moral line at not shooting things for sport, only for the pot or vermin control.

Man goes up to heaven and meets St Peter at the gate. "You have been a good man and you are welcome to walk through the pearly gates into heaven and meet God, but I feel I should warn you before you enter........She's black!"

What could possibly go wrong??

Not a Labradoor called Rover by any chance?!

Perhaps the guy could put in a claim against Land Rover Open and shut case really!

A friend had trouble with his old style Discovery, which was never cured and eventually took it back to the dealer who offered him a new style truck which was a demonstrator and was fitted with every conceivable gadget that you do not need. Electric opening rear hatch top and bottom which can be opened with key or by waving your foot underneath. He did not want all this but it was a good price. The dealer told him a story about a guy who took his brand new Range Rover to a shoot. At the interval he was proud to show off the rear doors and opened them to let the dog out of the dog cage. He then proceeded to lay out bowls of soup and glasses of sloe gin on the bottom flap with bread, knapkins and all the trimmings. He called everyone to the feast but just then a dog ran under the tail door and the back flap came up and emptied the contents into the car followed by the rear door coming down and bending the flimsy open door of the dog cage.

I bet that a Rolls or a Focus could not do this job either!

Just remember that a Fiat Panda 4x4 will still reach the destination when the other two are stuck! (For the price of a wing mirror on the Rolls)

All of that and what about my open fires? Do they not have the same potential dangers if not ventilated? Would I need a Hetas certificate if I wanted to install another open fire? Surely the dangers of an open fire, logs rolling out, smoke, sparks, unswept chimney are greater than a wood stove?

Always worth watching again! (It's four Yorkshire men!!)

I paid 78 old pence a gallon when I started to drive in 1970. Six shillings and sixpence/gallon or 32.5 new pence. or 7p/litre. Only trouble was I was earning £12 a week student forced labour! 60 hour week took me a hell of a lot longer to earn the money for a gallon of fuel than today.

Another vote here for the Stratford, faultless now for eight years, fifteen radiators. Two Clearviews, the original 650 with twin doors is excellent for room heating and log capacity but I do not like the double doors for a good seal. The Pioneer Vision 500 is better in the office, a very good stove. We have just bought a Danish Aduro 9, which seems to be very efficient and is pleasant to sit by with a lot of glass front and sides. It also is very different to light and a small amount of wood lasts all evening. I agree about a good open fire though and if we entertain we light an open fire in the living room. I think that people are more comfortable around an open fire and conversation flows more easily with people who do not know each other. This is a three foot wide custom built design by Count Rumford back in the late 1700s. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rumford_fireplace I asked the builder to do one when I built my house. He was a very good old school bricklayer and had years of experience but very set in his ways. Generally they stick with what they were taught when they were an apprentice and the air was full of foul language for a while "Well in all my years I've never built a bugger like this" etc etc. "You do what you like, it's your money down the drain" Turned out to be a mistake when it turned colder as I came in from work and found them warming themselves in front of it when they should have been pointing bricks outside. "Well I never would have believed it" was the comment now. One of the secrets of an open fire is drawing the air from outside rather than creating draughts under doors so when we put the floors in I laid two four inch waste pipes in the concrete on either side of the fireplace so all the air feeding the fire comes from outside and there are no draughts. There are sliding vents on each side to control the air but I never close them in practice. I also built two mesh fire screen doors to keep it safe when we leave the room.

My wife with the nine inch angle grinder

I am a farmer, and nothing I have ever welded over the last 50 years has broken! And no, there is no slag there, it is just my special extra strength gusset you cheeky .........! Similar quality to my hinges, thick and strong!

I bought my Palax Combi from Jas Wilson in 1996 for £2500 second hand. I do not know how many tons of wood it has processed but a great amount. I put an electric three phase motor on it and apart from a few blade sharpenings and retippings it has been totally reliable but today the small plate which trips the return for the splitting ram broke off. Luckily I found the piece in the sawdust. Two bolts to undo released the assembly and I welded it back together with my ancient stick welder in about five minutes and was back at work within ten minutes Really though this post is to give credit to Palax for a great machine which happens to suit my needs perfectly. It has a three point linkage and PTO as well as a towing hitch and wheels. Thank you Palax Oh and you had better "rate my weld" in the same way as "rate my hinge"!