sime42

A German guy called Helmut approaches a lady of the night in London . "I vish to buy sex viz you." "Okay," says the girl, "I charge £50 an hour." "Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky." "No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky for an extra £10." Helmut agrees. So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. "I vant zat you tie zese springs to each of your hans und knees." The girl finds this odd, but complies, fastening the springs as requested. "Now you vill get down on your hans und knees." This she duly does, balancing precariously on the springs. "You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you." She thinks this even odder, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying). But the sex is fantastic: honking away on the duck caller, she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German. The climax is the most sensational she has ever experienced, and it's several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing! What do you call that position?" "Zat," replies the German, "is ze Four-sprung Duck Technique

Not me, not this southerner, (well midlander). Non of my seedlings did anything, that dodgy compost must have had something bad in it. As a last resort I had to go out and buy a load of young plants at the weekend; toms and cucumbers. Unheard of, outrageous! They'll be very late into final pots but hopefully they'll catch up enough to get some crop at least. These poor runts were about 2 months old;-

Good places, army surplus stores. Great source of cheap but well made and robust work wear. As long as you don't mind the camo and slight musty smell! Can be good for heavy duty tools and other random stuff too.

Good shout. Bay as the added bonus of it's culinary use.

I feel your pain. I wasn't aware of it when my clothes were being cut asunder, that was a small blessing at least. Trauma Shears are what they use I think. https://medtree.co.uk/trauma-shears

I'll preempt what I'm guessing will be the majority of replies on here, and say fell it now and get shot if it! Otherwise you'll be forever fighting it back from overgrowing the garden, and it won't prune well anyway.

No, they shouldn't hand out clothes, but maybe they shouldn't be so free and easy with the scissors! I think the idea is that if they need to get a body undressed in A&E they just cut the clothes off with hardcore scissors, rather than undressing. In the name of expediency and minimal movement, in case of spinal injuries. Which is fair enough. Speaking from bitter personal experience, it is quite annoying. I lost a good jacket and pair of jeans that way, and got sent home in scantily arse covering hospital pyjamas. I vaguely remember that they even cut a necklace off as well. Only myself to blame as I was rushed in there after an episode of youthful over indulgence!

I wouldn't bother with insurance claims, fraudulent or otherwise. I'd just patch the hole up with this stuff, been around for years so tried and tested. It's mouldable and stays more or less soft so doesn't crack too much with time. Waterproofing Tape by Sylglas WWW.SYLGLAS.COM Waterproofing Tape by Sylglas - a flexible self adhesive waterproofing tape designed for general sealing jobs in and around the...

What about particularly knotty, seemingly impregnable crap, Sitka Spruce for example? What's your technique for something like that? I find sometimes that it's more efficient to resort to chainsawing it into log sized bits rather than expending loads of time and energy manually wrestling it. (Not having a mechanical splitter).

Come on, be fair - it's not always possible to find something from Today's news to get incensed by. 🤷‍♂️

Its easier to split when freshly cut, when it's still "relatively" soft and flexible. I think this is the case for most woods, though I stand to be corrected, I know there are a few exceptions. Oak will take longer than a year to fully season, unless split into really small bits. Maybe 2 or even 3 years I reckon.

Could do with some pickle though.

Hell no. Just peel them, in a rather messy fashion.

Prawn Sambal. They were bloody giants!

I pity the poor wives in your neck of the woods! Someone is drinking a hell of a lot these energy drinks. Must be the young'uns as previously suggested. I'm sure its been linked to antisocial behaviour. A diet of this, NOX and high strength weed can't be good! Tesco gave us 8 cans of RockStar drink, I think it was, in our last food delivery. For free. This stuff is really being pushed at the moment.

That as well. You'd have to pay me to drink the stuff these days. I'm not worried about the bull's testicles, (that it reputedly contained when it first came out), more all the artificial crap in there. I'll stick to coffee.

I thought that was going to be Daniel MacAskill, it's the crazy kind of stunt that he pulls. Undoubtedly impressive but you've got to ask why. I think Red Bull have more money than sense sometimes, but maybe it's all just good marketing and promotion.

Likewise. Most of my seedlings are still looking shyte in this black shyte they call compost. Getting really pissed off with it. I'm starting to transplant all of them into decent homemade stuff now.

I thought you were our resident expert on all things Moonbat. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ This isn't moonbat territory, just eminently sensible thinking. I'm not familiar with this guy but I'd imagine him to have a rational and unblinkered mindset.

Good question, I've been thinking the same myself. I cut a load down last year and loath to consign it all to firewood, though it is good as such.. It seems pretty dense and hard, must be good for some tool making or something. I was planning to turn some at least but it seems prone to splitting.

I figured that it was destined to be a "cute" plaything for some vacuous drug dealers moll.