Arborists Comandments

[josharb87]

thy shall drive where ever thy like as thy has flashy light

 

thy shall always flirt with thy customers daughter

 

thy is allowed to date said daughter

 

thy shall not sleep with customers daughter untill the week long job is done, even if it does gaurentee lotts of tea and bacon butties

 

thy shall not freak customer out by not saying anything just stareing

 

thy shall strut, in a harness, topless, with sunnies on where ever thy likes

[Stephen Blair]

thou will be the only one who thinks they are cool in full climbing gear and spikes in the roll shop.

thou shall disown your harness and brush when you take delivery of your first pole pruner and blower

Thou shall always convince customer that large hedge reductions will come away better if you hold 046 at chest hieght not head hieght

[stoxs]

Thou shall always create a phone call when the hawthorn or monkey puzzle needs cutting.

 

thou shall not use workmates flask as an emergency pee holder.

thou shall drive along road with arm out of window and get a sun burn`t elbow.

thou shall chase new lad around with saw on full tilt with no chain on.

thou shall fire chips at new lad when his back is turned.

Thou shall hit emergency stop and walk off when new boy is 30ft up in MEWP

Thou must be kinder to new workers:001_tt2:

[Mesterh]

Thou shall take a wee in the back of the van and watch while workmate wonders what it is dribbling out of the van onto the floor and with curiosity dips finger in and tastes.

 

Thou shalt not wee in the back of the van when empty, and have it splash all over customers brand new block paving as said customer is walking up the path.

 

 

Thou shall wet thy self laughing as customers brings tray of tea out, trips and falls into his own pond.

 

Thou shalt never use the last grain of coffee and say nothing, especially to the only person that ever buys the said coffee.

 

Thou shall get fellow workmates sacked on a regular basis to provide a scapegoat for damaged, lost and faulty equipment.

[Jason James Gairn]

seriously funniest thread on here ever. Thanks guys for your input, set my weekend up with a smile. Maybe I'm just a sucker for slapstick.

[josharb87]

thy shall not deliberatly but a hole in a conifer hedge to deliberatly get out of any future hedge cutting:)

 

(t-shirt slogan) mines a 12 incher . . . (with an engerneering style drawing in backround of 020)

 

new thread me thinks steve!

[Mesterh]

Thou shalt not use a handsaw unless all thy worlds resources of fuel have been used up.

 

Thou shalt not stump grind through a customers cable tv/phone wire, join it up with some tape then sneakily call them to listen out if it still works.

 

Thy groundie shalt not shout all round the garden that you have knocked a nest out of a conifer hedge containing little fluffy baby pidgeons.

 

Thy groundie shall dispose of any casualties of war in the most discreetest of ways

 

 

Thou shalt always take responsibility for ones actions.

[garth mc garth]

thou shall not laugh at your friend taking a dump in his empty grain trailer in central london when the double decker school bus stops next to it

[Stephen Blair]

thou shall never give a passer-by 10p after he gives you a load of crap about the rainforest and go and tell him to go and phone someone who gives a xxxx

thou shant ever have to hear your van door close from the other side of a house

thy shall always use roll shop with the hottest lady workers

Thy tries not to flirt with the gay customers, buttith they luvith itith really

Thy knows the pink pound is the bestest

Thou loveth the sizes of logs the workers can lift whenith girlies are walking bye

[Mark T]

Thine team shall learn different roles and sing the songs from the Jungle Book to aid passage of miserable jobs