50 Shades of Grey - Burberry Edition

[WorcsWuss]

Don't know if anyone else's other halves or the ladies on here [or heaven forbid the blokes!] have got into this '50 Shades of Grey' thing [my wife has, I have no idea what it is but I gather it's a naughty book..?] but a friend posted this on Facebook...

 

It made me laugh so I thought I'd share it here.....

As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight.

 

It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time.

 

Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you.

 

As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind the Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the ally way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same.

 

My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had ****** his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farm Foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids Mega Drive and whipped it across my doughy ****. It stung but I liked it. I shouted "Again, again!" so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces. As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which was rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections.

[James Log]

Brilliant

 

And yes it is filth on every page! [My girlfriend is reading it]

[sloth]

:eek::eek: what. the. ****. :eek::eek:

Edited July 5, 2012 by Amelanchier

[Lorry thompson]

My pals lass stopped reading it cos apparently the bloke in it is ginger ( dark copper described in book) and it put her off haha

[mistahbenn]

That sounds more like comedy than anything else!

[MikeTM150]

wife's reading it, every now and again there's a chuckle and I get a snippet read out loud to me...... filth pure filth!

[Rich2484]

This wa son the radio yesterday. Some condemning the book as pure porn. Others were saying it's wrong as it is all about wife beating and the like.

 

I know a few people are adding it. Might even give it a go myself at some point. Sounds like it could be worth a crack.

[WorcsWuss]

There's a film coming next apparently, with Ryan Gosling as this Mr Grey fellow... the trailer gives the impression that the featured deviance is similar to James Spader & Maggie Gyllenhal's 'Secretary'.... not sure whether that's correct or the plot has been revised heavily for the film.... if the book's as racy as I hear I would expect to see Ron Jeremy in the trailer and not Gosling, so perhaps it has been toned down a bit!

[Rich2484]

Call me what you will but I've just got the first book. Didn't know there was three......

 

Going to start reading it tonight.

[Scott Walker]

I got my Mrs the 3 books best buy I've ever made it does something to to these women! she now cant keep her hands off me. (happy days)