'New' English...

[Mr Ed]

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communities, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

 

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro English (Euro for short).

 

In the first year, 's' will be used instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard 'c' will be replaced with 'k'. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

 

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced by 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter.

 

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year, peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' by 'z' and 'w' by 'v'.

 

During ze fifz year, ze uneseary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining 'ou', and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil have a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil b no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

[Pete Mctree]

PMSL I like that!

[jonnie t]

:laugh::laugh:

[PeteB]

Cool, well done - I like word play like that.

[Sevsafe]

xselent

[bob]

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can

read it.

 

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdgnieg.The

phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde

Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit

pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a

porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by

istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe Amzanig huh?

[Steve Bullman]

ive raed taht bferoe

[PeteB]

Bob's thread could be from from auld english spoken and heard in a pub in the west midlands some thirty years ago!