Jokes???

[PeteB]

I was talking to a girl in the pub tonight,she tells me she baths in detergent every night, I always thought she was a flash ****!

[Sam Thompson]

I was in Tescos earlier with the missus when suddenly she said, "Do you know what? Your a right lazy twonk!"

Well, I thought I`m not having this,

 

 

 

 

 

So I got out of the trolley and walked off

[Daniël Bos]

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

An interrupting cow.

 

An interupti..MOOOO!

[Christopher Schroeter]

I bought my mate a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light up when he opened it!

[RobRainford]

Tonight, I'm going to toss so hard that it sticks to the ceiling.

 

I love pancake day.

[Matthew Arnold]

BBQ Rules

 

BBQ RULES We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert ..

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

 

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...

(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat

Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

 

And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ' her night off ', and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women

[Trees-]

"Can you tie a knot?"

 

"I cannot."

 

"So you can knot?"

 

"No, I cannot knot."

 

"Not knot?"

 

"Who's there?"

 

"off!"

Edited February 25, 2012 by Stephen Blair

[mikepage]

I don't know about this English humor. Hows this one :

Why doesn't Santa Claus have any childeren ?

'cause he only "comes" once a year and it's down a chimney !

[Mozza]

My mate sent me this, this morning, thought it was hilarious.

[Stephen Blair]

Ha ha, awesome!

I can't see how I can Mod that mate